Anyone who has experienced jealousy knows well how intense and devouring it can be. In Othello, Shakespeare famously described it as "the green-eyed monster" because it can be both painful and embarrassing and because it has the power to make us do things that we know to be ridiculous and sometimes even crazy.
in romantic relationships, jealousy often occurs when one person suspects their union to be in jeopardy. Jealousy can be caused by a lover's job or even a hobby taking up too much time, but most often the cause is attributed to someone outside of the relationship - with the suspicion or fear that another person will take the beloved away
Don't hide feelings
The best method for getting a handle on jealousy is being honest and open about it - first with yourself, then with others involved (if appropriate). In love and friendship, it's important to use the "I feel" approach to communicate what you are experiencing. If you can express yourself in this gentle manner, your partner or friend is more likely to respond with honesty and sympathy. Together you may be able to work through and get rid of any jealous feelings. Talking about it also gives others some insight into how their behavior may impact you. Especially in a romantic relationship, your partner will then have the opportunity to change their behavior - or to reassure you in other ways. But even with logic, communication and reassurances, jelousy can continue to grow in your relationships at home, at work and between friends, leading to resentment, grudges, rivalry and insecurity.
Look at these painful examples
1) Say your partner flirts whenever you go to your favorite sports bar, yet you know they're just having some innocent fun. You just can't help it, you always end up going off and brooding by yourself instead of enjoying the game and the crowd and your partner's company.
2) You and your spouse are out with your best couple friends and they announce that they're having twins. You've been trying to have a baby secretly for awhile now, and you both know it's ridiculous and selfish, but you find it hard to be happy for your dearest friends.
3) You've been interviewing for a managerial position in your company, but the HR department decides to hire someone from the outside and they become your boss. You thought you were open to working for this person until you find out that they're making twice the salary that you're making. What can you do with your uncomfortable feelings? Try toughing it out with the constructive techniques below for dealing with those destructive "green-eyed" emotions
1) Keep building your self-esteem.
Part of good self-esteem is having a firm belief in your future working out. This won't shield you from jealousy, but it will help you find the fortitude to get through it
2) You may not be able to stop being jealous, but you can exercise some control over your emotions. When jealous thoughts associated with anger, fear, despair or anxiety strike, you can create an interruption in these negative thoughts by saying something like, "Stop! I know these thoughts are bad for me." Try replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. This may be enough to give you some temporary relief
3) Counterattack irrational thoughts with rational ones. When irrational thoughts arise tell yourself what you know to be rational - even if emotionally you don't believe it
4) Keep yourself busy with work, hobbies or self-improvement such as staying active, making plans with friends and just plain having fun. Distraction can provide enough comfort to help you get through some of your feelings, even if it isn't the total solution
5) Go ahead and vent. Seek the support of friends and loved ones, and tell them what you're going through. This will help relieve some of the hurt and anger
Remember, jealousy is a common human experience. Your experience of jealousy doesn't make you a bad or weak person - it is the result of a situation that will eventually be resolved. Just remember, all things must pass.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Imperfections by Sign
Many people turn to Astrology in hopes of deciphering which Sun Sign
indicates the perfect mate for them. Fire signs are cherished for their
passion, while Earth signs are often sought out for their stability and
sensuality. You can't beat an Air sign if intellect and lots of energy
are your personal turn-ons, and if it's emotion you crave Water signs
are definitely the way to go
Each Sign of the Zodiac blesses those born under their watch with an infusion of characteristics and traits, but not every attribute is going to be perfectly charming. Every sign also has at least one annoying or undesirable trait. While these characteristics may serve us well in everyday life, they may also be amplified -or even cause problems - in our romantic relationships.
The truth is, it is highly unlikely that any one of us will ever find, or become, "the perfect mate." So, while no one is perfect, with a little effort we can learn to give those we love a little slack in these areas, and tone down some of our own bigger flaws as well, for the sake of our relationships
Leo may shine as brightly as the sun, but Lions sometimes need to accept that they aren't necessarily the center of the universe. Recognize that when your ego expands, it can do so with enough force to clear a room.
Virgo is the sign of those who can literally worry themselves to death. What they may not realize is that when they are stressed, their worries tend to be expressed as powerful, painful criticism. These gentle beings don't recognize their own strength. A little self-observation - and restraint - can hold off a tirade of belittling complaints.
Libra believes everything can be balanced, but during the process may tip the scales narcissistically in one direction. When it appears that your partner is becoming unreasonable or too demanding, it would be wise to look at the situation in terms of "we," rather than "me." Do this, and the balance you seek may accidentally appear!
Scorpio has a thing for being in control, which translates into being controlling. Whether you know it or not, you are the masters of silent manipulation. We all know you like to finish on top, but when it comes to relationships, ask yourself if you're just in it for the game. Or is it really your partner's heart you're trying to win?
Sagittarius needs to recognize that their eternal restlessness is a personal issue, not a relationship issue. Your partner loves your free spirit and your independence, but they also want to feel like a part of your life. If you want love to last, then accept that relationship responsibility doesn't have to equal restriction - but it must encompass partnership.
Capricorn may believe that they are always right (and most of the time, they are!), but they should be open to accepting that their partner has the right to disagree. If you are a more insecure Capricorn, you must also understand that dependence doesn't create love security.
Aquarius independence can be hard for others to understand - so explain it to them! While there is no shame in being proud of some of your more eccentric behaviors and expectations, your guarded nature in love can come across as extremely cold and aloof. Trusting people with your heart may not come easily, but not trusting is likely to be even more painful.
Pisces often confuse pity with caring, and have a way of defining themselves by the burdens they bear. There is such a thing as "too much drama!" When you lose yourself in the lower vibrations of depression, you drag those you love into despair with you. Sometimes, dear Pisces, the best thing you can do for yourself is to learn how to simply suck it up - or let it go.
Aries could stand to learn that not every thought that goes through their head needs to escape their mouths. These high-strung, spirited souls can break down their partner with acid words, not realizing the pain they cause in their quest to be the boss. Aries, be mindful that your partner is supposed to be by your side, not running to catch up - or carelessly left behind.
Taurus tends to be stubborn to the point of uncompromising. In relationships, it is possible for them to get so caught up in their own ideas, material needs, and judgments that they forget they have a partner at all. So come up for air once in a while, and look at all the love around you!
Gemini may think at the speed of light, but they often forget that others don't. As articulate as this sign can be, they often have trouble expressing themselves when it comes to their emotional needs. Unless you are with a mind reader, you must consider taking the risk and asking for what you need, and telling the other person what it is that you fear
Cancer can be crabby, and any Crab certainly knows how to hold a grudge. Some of these tender-hearted creatures would find life to be easier - and relationships more rewarding - if they would step back for a moment and grow a thicker skin. Lighten up! Forgiveness is much easier when you realize that those who love you aren't necessarily trying to hurt you.
Whatever your sign, both you and your mate will have some eccentricities. At the end of the day, you can both hide behind the sun sign excuse - or you can recognize that there is always opportunity to improve. If you can curb some of your quirks, your partner may follow your lead and do the same. You have nothing to lose - and you may have a whole lot to gain
indicates the perfect mate for them. Fire signs are cherished for their
passion, while Earth signs are often sought out for their stability and
sensuality. You can't beat an Air sign if intellect and lots of energy
are your personal turn-ons, and if it's emotion you crave Water signs
are definitely the way to go
Each Sign of the Zodiac blesses those born under their watch with an infusion of characteristics and traits, but not every attribute is going to be perfectly charming. Every sign also has at least one annoying or undesirable trait. While these characteristics may serve us well in everyday life, they may also be amplified -or even cause problems - in our romantic relationships.
The truth is, it is highly unlikely that any one of us will ever find, or become, "the perfect mate." So, while no one is perfect, with a little effort we can learn to give those we love a little slack in these areas, and tone down some of our own bigger flaws as well, for the sake of our relationships
Leo may shine as brightly as the sun, but Lions sometimes need to accept that they aren't necessarily the center of the universe. Recognize that when your ego expands, it can do so with enough force to clear a room.
Virgo is the sign of those who can literally worry themselves to death. What they may not realize is that when they are stressed, their worries tend to be expressed as powerful, painful criticism. These gentle beings don't recognize their own strength. A little self-observation - and restraint - can hold off a tirade of belittling complaints.
Libra believes everything can be balanced, but during the process may tip the scales narcissistically in one direction. When it appears that your partner is becoming unreasonable or too demanding, it would be wise to look at the situation in terms of "we," rather than "me." Do this, and the balance you seek may accidentally appear!
Scorpio has a thing for being in control, which translates into being controlling. Whether you know it or not, you are the masters of silent manipulation. We all know you like to finish on top, but when it comes to relationships, ask yourself if you're just in it for the game. Or is it really your partner's heart you're trying to win?
Sagittarius needs to recognize that their eternal restlessness is a personal issue, not a relationship issue. Your partner loves your free spirit and your independence, but they also want to feel like a part of your life. If you want love to last, then accept that relationship responsibility doesn't have to equal restriction - but it must encompass partnership.
Capricorn may believe that they are always right (and most of the time, they are!), but they should be open to accepting that their partner has the right to disagree. If you are a more insecure Capricorn, you must also understand that dependence doesn't create love security.
Aquarius independence can be hard for others to understand - so explain it to them! While there is no shame in being proud of some of your more eccentric behaviors and expectations, your guarded nature in love can come across as extremely cold and aloof. Trusting people with your heart may not come easily, but not trusting is likely to be even more painful.
Pisces often confuse pity with caring, and have a way of defining themselves by the burdens they bear. There is such a thing as "too much drama!" When you lose yourself in the lower vibrations of depression, you drag those you love into despair with you. Sometimes, dear Pisces, the best thing you can do for yourself is to learn how to simply suck it up - or let it go.
Aries could stand to learn that not every thought that goes through their head needs to escape their mouths. These high-strung, spirited souls can break down their partner with acid words, not realizing the pain they cause in their quest to be the boss. Aries, be mindful that your partner is supposed to be by your side, not running to catch up - or carelessly left behind.
Taurus tends to be stubborn to the point of uncompromising. In relationships, it is possible for them to get so caught up in their own ideas, material needs, and judgments that they forget they have a partner at all. So come up for air once in a while, and look at all the love around you!
Gemini may think at the speed of light, but they often forget that others don't. As articulate as this sign can be, they often have trouble expressing themselves when it comes to their emotional needs. Unless you are with a mind reader, you must consider taking the risk and asking for what you need, and telling the other person what it is that you fear
Cancer can be crabby, and any Crab certainly knows how to hold a grudge. Some of these tender-hearted creatures would find life to be easier - and relationships more rewarding - if they would step back for a moment and grow a thicker skin. Lighten up! Forgiveness is much easier when you realize that those who love you aren't necessarily trying to hurt you.
Whatever your sign, both you and your mate will have some eccentricities. At the end of the day, you can both hide behind the sun sign excuse - or you can recognize that there is always opportunity to improve. If you can curb some of your quirks, your partner may follow your lead and do the same. You have nothing to lose - and you may have a whole lot to gain
10 Commandments of Life
Sometimes it's hard to do the best thing for our own good. After all, we're composed not just of body and mind - but spirit as well. Stress can get us down, and leave us feeling scattered. Yet if you feel disconnected and you aren't getting the most out of your day-to-day efforts, you're not alone.For most people, finding lasting fulfillment is a lifelong battle. These ten tips can help you win over the outside turmoil and live a happier, more centered life!
1. Listen to your body
There's no "perfect" picture of health. Everyone is different. Get to know your body, and treat it well so that it runs optimally. For instance, if you're craving broccoli, eat it - you might need the iron. Likewise, if you're craving chocolate, you might have a little - dark chocolate in particular has health benefits when it is consumed in moderation.
Whenever your desires are mental, however, you'll want to recognize that. And if you feel "off," you'll want to get to your doctor. Our bodies manifest our states of mind and our emotions, so listen to yours. And if you need help from a doctor or health practitioner you'll find you're better off for having taken that step.
2. Sleep and fitness routine
Getting up - and going to bed - at the same time every day has proven benefits to your body. So does exercise. One popular study revealed that it takes three weeks to build a habit, but only two weeks to break one! Make a sleep-and-exercise routine plan and commit to sticking to it for one month. After that, you may find that your new activities have become habit, and you don't need to force them. This doesn't mean you have to hit the gym every day or approach someone else's idea of physical fitness - just get moving. Walk, run, ride your bike - or do yoga or pilates to increase your stamina and get your endorphins flowing. The method is entirely up to you! Whatever you choose, you'll feel fitter and better-rested - guaranteed.
3. Relax your mind, body and spirit
Meditation means different things to different people. So whether you proceed with a mantra (like in Transcendental Meditation) or try a guided relaxation CD, just carve out a little time for yourself to truly relax and be one with your surroundings. Mornings may be easiest - you may want to consider taking ten minutes first thing when you calculate your wake-up time. But any time will do - just be sure to spend it in solitude. Avoid the computer, television, phone, family or whatever else may distract you. This needs to be a sacred time to clear your mind. Your day will be brighter, and you'll find yourself feeling more centered when and if those stress levels increase.
4. Eat organic -or at least eat right
This doesn't mean you have to go on a diet and eliminate the things you love - remember that all things are good in moderation. Simply make an effort to buy foods that don't contain pesticides. Look for farm raised, untreated meat if you eat it. Include fruits and veggies in your diet, and go easy on the sugar. Choose whole grains instead of white flour. You don't have to get expensive about it, either. These days most grocery stores have affordable organic and/or healthy options. All of these are simple ways to treat your body like the temple that it is - and increase your energy!
5. Approach challenges as opportunities for growth
When something gets harder - at home, in the office, in a relationship - we have the tendency to see the glass as half-empty. But a simple shift in perspective can do wonders for your state of mind. The next time you encounter an obstacle you might want to pause, take a breath and consider what you stand to gain by overcoming it. Once you've done it once or twice, the challenges will seem less stressful - and you'll find that you increasingly feel capable of handling anything that comes your way!
6. Get organizedIt's easy to let messes pile up.
Whether it's paperwork or dirty clothes, most of us have fallen victim to disorganization at some point or another. And occasionally, these little tasks are bound to fall by the wayside. Does this mean you have to be immaculately neat all the time? No. But everyone stands to benefit from creating a method of organization. Do it one room at a time, making places for the things you need and discarding the things you don't - be brutal! You'll find that when messes pile up, it's a lot easier to clean up. When everything has its place, it's a lot harder to misplace things - including your calm and sanity!
7. Make time for friends
While it can be tough to find time in the day/week/month/year to do everything we want to do, social networks are an important part of feeling fulfilled. Think about it: part of the reason for pre-school is to get kids used to socializing - it's considered an important developmental skill. None of that changes as we grow older. Friends are important, and they offer a different kind of interaction than family members - or even people you're dating. Make it a point to have a "friend date" at least once a month, whether you rotate houses or simply go out - you'll walk away feeling needed and grateful for the people you've chosen to have in your life.
8. See the love around you
Love is an energy as much as it is an emotion. So when you're looking to "see" the love around you, it doesn't mean seeing couples. In fact, it doesn't need to be related to romance at all. If you become love, in the sense that your intentions are pure and you operate by doing what's good for your highest good (not necessarily having your way) - and you're kind to others, and appreciative of the fact that we all have strengths and weaknesses - you'll begin to feel what it is to experience love - by giving it. In turn, you will receive it from the world.
9. Commune with nature
Sounds a little frou-frou? It's not. Have you ever wondered why it is that when you go to the beach/forest/river you're overcome by a sense of peace and belonging? It's because you do belong. Osho (and a host of other spiritual writers, advisers and philosophers) suggest that if you get out into nature and feel yourself as a part of it, you'll experience benefits in your relationships with others - as well as the one you have with yourself. Understand that you are a part of the universal energy, and allow yourself to experience it. The ways in which you'll be enriched are countless.
10. Seek objective advice
Sometimes it's hard to see our own patterns. People go on for years and years making the same mistakes - and encountering the same situations over and over again - without stopping to think "maybe it's me." The universe presents you with the same lessons until you learn them. But if you're having trouble, it may be that you need someone else to help you see what you could be missing… and how you can change it. Remember, whether you know it now or not, we all create our own realities.And why not make your reality a joyful, content one?
1. Listen to your body
There's no "perfect" picture of health. Everyone is different. Get to know your body, and treat it well so that it runs optimally. For instance, if you're craving broccoli, eat it - you might need the iron. Likewise, if you're craving chocolate, you might have a little - dark chocolate in particular has health benefits when it is consumed in moderation.
Whenever your desires are mental, however, you'll want to recognize that. And if you feel "off," you'll want to get to your doctor. Our bodies manifest our states of mind and our emotions, so listen to yours. And if you need help from a doctor or health practitioner you'll find you're better off for having taken that step.
2. Sleep and fitness routine
Getting up - and going to bed - at the same time every day has proven benefits to your body. So does exercise. One popular study revealed that it takes three weeks to build a habit, but only two weeks to break one! Make a sleep-and-exercise routine plan and commit to sticking to it for one month. After that, you may find that your new activities have become habit, and you don't need to force them. This doesn't mean you have to hit the gym every day or approach someone else's idea of physical fitness - just get moving. Walk, run, ride your bike - or do yoga or pilates to increase your stamina and get your endorphins flowing. The method is entirely up to you! Whatever you choose, you'll feel fitter and better-rested - guaranteed.
3. Relax your mind, body and spirit
Meditation means different things to different people. So whether you proceed with a mantra (like in Transcendental Meditation) or try a guided relaxation CD, just carve out a little time for yourself to truly relax and be one with your surroundings. Mornings may be easiest - you may want to consider taking ten minutes first thing when you calculate your wake-up time. But any time will do - just be sure to spend it in solitude. Avoid the computer, television, phone, family or whatever else may distract you. This needs to be a sacred time to clear your mind. Your day will be brighter, and you'll find yourself feeling more centered when and if those stress levels increase.
4. Eat organic -or at least eat right
This doesn't mean you have to go on a diet and eliminate the things you love - remember that all things are good in moderation. Simply make an effort to buy foods that don't contain pesticides. Look for farm raised, untreated meat if you eat it. Include fruits and veggies in your diet, and go easy on the sugar. Choose whole grains instead of white flour. You don't have to get expensive about it, either. These days most grocery stores have affordable organic and/or healthy options. All of these are simple ways to treat your body like the temple that it is - and increase your energy!
5. Approach challenges as opportunities for growth
When something gets harder - at home, in the office, in a relationship - we have the tendency to see the glass as half-empty. But a simple shift in perspective can do wonders for your state of mind. The next time you encounter an obstacle you might want to pause, take a breath and consider what you stand to gain by overcoming it. Once you've done it once or twice, the challenges will seem less stressful - and you'll find that you increasingly feel capable of handling anything that comes your way!
6. Get organizedIt's easy to let messes pile up.
Whether it's paperwork or dirty clothes, most of us have fallen victim to disorganization at some point or another. And occasionally, these little tasks are bound to fall by the wayside. Does this mean you have to be immaculately neat all the time? No. But everyone stands to benefit from creating a method of organization. Do it one room at a time, making places for the things you need and discarding the things you don't - be brutal! You'll find that when messes pile up, it's a lot easier to clean up. When everything has its place, it's a lot harder to misplace things - including your calm and sanity!
7. Make time for friends
While it can be tough to find time in the day/week/month/year to do everything we want to do, social networks are an important part of feeling fulfilled. Think about it: part of the reason for pre-school is to get kids used to socializing - it's considered an important developmental skill. None of that changes as we grow older. Friends are important, and they offer a different kind of interaction than family members - or even people you're dating. Make it a point to have a "friend date" at least once a month, whether you rotate houses or simply go out - you'll walk away feeling needed and grateful for the people you've chosen to have in your life.
8. See the love around you
Love is an energy as much as it is an emotion. So when you're looking to "see" the love around you, it doesn't mean seeing couples. In fact, it doesn't need to be related to romance at all. If you become love, in the sense that your intentions are pure and you operate by doing what's good for your highest good (not necessarily having your way) - and you're kind to others, and appreciative of the fact that we all have strengths and weaknesses - you'll begin to feel what it is to experience love - by giving it. In turn, you will receive it from the world.
9. Commune with nature
Sounds a little frou-frou? It's not. Have you ever wondered why it is that when you go to the beach/forest/river you're overcome by a sense of peace and belonging? It's because you do belong. Osho (and a host of other spiritual writers, advisers and philosophers) suggest that if you get out into nature and feel yourself as a part of it, you'll experience benefits in your relationships with others - as well as the one you have with yourself. Understand that you are a part of the universal energy, and allow yourself to experience it. The ways in which you'll be enriched are countless.
10. Seek objective advice
Sometimes it's hard to see our own patterns. People go on for years and years making the same mistakes - and encountering the same situations over and over again - without stopping to think "maybe it's me." The universe presents you with the same lessons until you learn them. But if you're having trouble, it may be that you need someone else to help you see what you could be missing… and how you can change it. Remember, whether you know it now or not, we all create our own realities.And why not make your reality a joyful, content one?
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