Anyone who has experienced jealousy knows well how intense and devouring it can be. In Othello, Shakespeare famously described it as "the green-eyed monster" because it can be both painful and embarrassing and because it has the power to make us do things that we know to be ridiculous and sometimes even crazy.
in romantic relationships, jealousy often occurs when one person suspects their union to be in jeopardy. Jealousy can be caused by a lover's job or even a hobby taking up too much time, but most often the cause is attributed to someone outside of the relationship - with the suspicion or fear that another person will take the beloved away
Don't hide feelings
The best method for getting a handle on jealousy is being honest and open about it - first with yourself, then with others involved (if appropriate). In love and friendship, it's important to use the "I feel" approach to communicate what you are experiencing. If you can express yourself in this gentle manner, your partner or friend is more likely to respond with honesty and sympathy. Together you may be able to work through and get rid of any jealous feelings. Talking about it also gives others some insight into how their behavior may impact you. Especially in a romantic relationship, your partner will then have the opportunity to change their behavior - or to reassure you in other ways. But even with logic, communication and reassurances, jelousy can continue to grow in your relationships at home, at work and between friends, leading to resentment, grudges, rivalry and insecurity.
Look at these painful examples
1) Say your partner flirts whenever you go to your favorite sports bar, yet you know they're just having some innocent fun. You just can't help it, you always end up going off and brooding by yourself instead of enjoying the game and the crowd and your partner's company.
2) You and your spouse are out with your best couple friends and they announce that they're having twins. You've been trying to have a baby secretly for awhile now, and you both know it's ridiculous and selfish, but you find it hard to be happy for your dearest friends.
3) You've been interviewing for a managerial position in your company, but the HR department decides to hire someone from the outside and they become your boss. You thought you were open to working for this person until you find out that they're making twice the salary that you're making. What can you do with your uncomfortable feelings? Try toughing it out with the constructive techniques below for dealing with those destructive "green-eyed" emotions
1) Keep building your self-esteem.
Part of good self-esteem is having a firm belief in your future working out. This won't shield you from jealousy, but it will help you find the fortitude to get through it
2) You may not be able to stop being jealous, but you can exercise some control over your emotions. When jealous thoughts associated with anger, fear, despair or anxiety strike, you can create an interruption in these negative thoughts by saying something like, "Stop! I know these thoughts are bad for me." Try replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. This may be enough to give you some temporary relief
3) Counterattack irrational thoughts with rational ones. When irrational thoughts arise tell yourself what you know to be rational - even if emotionally you don't believe it
4) Keep yourself busy with work, hobbies or self-improvement such as staying active, making plans with friends and just plain having fun. Distraction can provide enough comfort to help you get through some of your feelings, even if it isn't the total solution
5) Go ahead and vent. Seek the support of friends and loved ones, and tell them what you're going through. This will help relieve some of the hurt and anger
Remember, jealousy is a common human experience. Your experience of jealousy doesn't make you a bad or weak person - it is the result of a situation that will eventually be resolved. Just remember, all things must pass.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Imperfections by Sign
Many people turn to Astrology in hopes of deciphering which Sun Sign
indicates the perfect mate for them. Fire signs are cherished for their
passion, while Earth signs are often sought out for their stability and
sensuality. You can't beat an Air sign if intellect and lots of energy
are your personal turn-ons, and if it's emotion you crave Water signs
are definitely the way to go
Each Sign of the Zodiac blesses those born under their watch with an infusion of characteristics and traits, but not every attribute is going to be perfectly charming. Every sign also has at least one annoying or undesirable trait. While these characteristics may serve us well in everyday life, they may also be amplified -or even cause problems - in our romantic relationships.
The truth is, it is highly unlikely that any one of us will ever find, or become, "the perfect mate." So, while no one is perfect, with a little effort we can learn to give those we love a little slack in these areas, and tone down some of our own bigger flaws as well, for the sake of our relationships
Leo may shine as brightly as the sun, but Lions sometimes need to accept that they aren't necessarily the center of the universe. Recognize that when your ego expands, it can do so with enough force to clear a room.
Virgo is the sign of those who can literally worry themselves to death. What they may not realize is that when they are stressed, their worries tend to be expressed as powerful, painful criticism. These gentle beings don't recognize their own strength. A little self-observation - and restraint - can hold off a tirade of belittling complaints.
Libra believes everything can be balanced, but during the process may tip the scales narcissistically in one direction. When it appears that your partner is becoming unreasonable or too demanding, it would be wise to look at the situation in terms of "we," rather than "me." Do this, and the balance you seek may accidentally appear!
Scorpio has a thing for being in control, which translates into being controlling. Whether you know it or not, you are the masters of silent manipulation. We all know you like to finish on top, but when it comes to relationships, ask yourself if you're just in it for the game. Or is it really your partner's heart you're trying to win?
Sagittarius needs to recognize that their eternal restlessness is a personal issue, not a relationship issue. Your partner loves your free spirit and your independence, but they also want to feel like a part of your life. If you want love to last, then accept that relationship responsibility doesn't have to equal restriction - but it must encompass partnership.
Capricorn may believe that they are always right (and most of the time, they are!), but they should be open to accepting that their partner has the right to disagree. If you are a more insecure Capricorn, you must also understand that dependence doesn't create love security.
Aquarius independence can be hard for others to understand - so explain it to them! While there is no shame in being proud of some of your more eccentric behaviors and expectations, your guarded nature in love can come across as extremely cold and aloof. Trusting people with your heart may not come easily, but not trusting is likely to be even more painful.
Pisces often confuse pity with caring, and have a way of defining themselves by the burdens they bear. There is such a thing as "too much drama!" When you lose yourself in the lower vibrations of depression, you drag those you love into despair with you. Sometimes, dear Pisces, the best thing you can do for yourself is to learn how to simply suck it up - or let it go.
Aries could stand to learn that not every thought that goes through their head needs to escape their mouths. These high-strung, spirited souls can break down their partner with acid words, not realizing the pain they cause in their quest to be the boss. Aries, be mindful that your partner is supposed to be by your side, not running to catch up - or carelessly left behind.
Taurus tends to be stubborn to the point of uncompromising. In relationships, it is possible for them to get so caught up in their own ideas, material needs, and judgments that they forget they have a partner at all. So come up for air once in a while, and look at all the love around you!
Gemini may think at the speed of light, but they often forget that others don't. As articulate as this sign can be, they often have trouble expressing themselves when it comes to their emotional needs. Unless you are with a mind reader, you must consider taking the risk and asking for what you need, and telling the other person what it is that you fear
Cancer can be crabby, and any Crab certainly knows how to hold a grudge. Some of these tender-hearted creatures would find life to be easier - and relationships more rewarding - if they would step back for a moment and grow a thicker skin. Lighten up! Forgiveness is much easier when you realize that those who love you aren't necessarily trying to hurt you.
Whatever your sign, both you and your mate will have some eccentricities. At the end of the day, you can both hide behind the sun sign excuse - or you can recognize that there is always opportunity to improve. If you can curb some of your quirks, your partner may follow your lead and do the same. You have nothing to lose - and you may have a whole lot to gain
indicates the perfect mate for them. Fire signs are cherished for their
passion, while Earth signs are often sought out for their stability and
sensuality. You can't beat an Air sign if intellect and lots of energy
are your personal turn-ons, and if it's emotion you crave Water signs
are definitely the way to go
Each Sign of the Zodiac blesses those born under their watch with an infusion of characteristics and traits, but not every attribute is going to be perfectly charming. Every sign also has at least one annoying or undesirable trait. While these characteristics may serve us well in everyday life, they may also be amplified -or even cause problems - in our romantic relationships.
The truth is, it is highly unlikely that any one of us will ever find, or become, "the perfect mate." So, while no one is perfect, with a little effort we can learn to give those we love a little slack in these areas, and tone down some of our own bigger flaws as well, for the sake of our relationships
Leo may shine as brightly as the sun, but Lions sometimes need to accept that they aren't necessarily the center of the universe. Recognize that when your ego expands, it can do so with enough force to clear a room.
Virgo is the sign of those who can literally worry themselves to death. What they may not realize is that when they are stressed, their worries tend to be expressed as powerful, painful criticism. These gentle beings don't recognize their own strength. A little self-observation - and restraint - can hold off a tirade of belittling complaints.
Libra believes everything can be balanced, but during the process may tip the scales narcissistically in one direction. When it appears that your partner is becoming unreasonable or too demanding, it would be wise to look at the situation in terms of "we," rather than "me." Do this, and the balance you seek may accidentally appear!
Scorpio has a thing for being in control, which translates into being controlling. Whether you know it or not, you are the masters of silent manipulation. We all know you like to finish on top, but when it comes to relationships, ask yourself if you're just in it for the game. Or is it really your partner's heart you're trying to win?
Sagittarius needs to recognize that their eternal restlessness is a personal issue, not a relationship issue. Your partner loves your free spirit and your independence, but they also want to feel like a part of your life. If you want love to last, then accept that relationship responsibility doesn't have to equal restriction - but it must encompass partnership.
Capricorn may believe that they are always right (and most of the time, they are!), but they should be open to accepting that their partner has the right to disagree. If you are a more insecure Capricorn, you must also understand that dependence doesn't create love security.
Aquarius independence can be hard for others to understand - so explain it to them! While there is no shame in being proud of some of your more eccentric behaviors and expectations, your guarded nature in love can come across as extremely cold and aloof. Trusting people with your heart may not come easily, but not trusting is likely to be even more painful.
Pisces often confuse pity with caring, and have a way of defining themselves by the burdens they bear. There is such a thing as "too much drama!" When you lose yourself in the lower vibrations of depression, you drag those you love into despair with you. Sometimes, dear Pisces, the best thing you can do for yourself is to learn how to simply suck it up - or let it go.
Aries could stand to learn that not every thought that goes through their head needs to escape their mouths. These high-strung, spirited souls can break down their partner with acid words, not realizing the pain they cause in their quest to be the boss. Aries, be mindful that your partner is supposed to be by your side, not running to catch up - or carelessly left behind.
Taurus tends to be stubborn to the point of uncompromising. In relationships, it is possible for them to get so caught up in their own ideas, material needs, and judgments that they forget they have a partner at all. So come up for air once in a while, and look at all the love around you!
Gemini may think at the speed of light, but they often forget that others don't. As articulate as this sign can be, they often have trouble expressing themselves when it comes to their emotional needs. Unless you are with a mind reader, you must consider taking the risk and asking for what you need, and telling the other person what it is that you fear
Cancer can be crabby, and any Crab certainly knows how to hold a grudge. Some of these tender-hearted creatures would find life to be easier - and relationships more rewarding - if they would step back for a moment and grow a thicker skin. Lighten up! Forgiveness is much easier when you realize that those who love you aren't necessarily trying to hurt you.
Whatever your sign, both you and your mate will have some eccentricities. At the end of the day, you can both hide behind the sun sign excuse - or you can recognize that there is always opportunity to improve. If you can curb some of your quirks, your partner may follow your lead and do the same. You have nothing to lose - and you may have a whole lot to gain
10 Commandments of Life
Sometimes it's hard to do the best thing for our own good. After all, we're composed not just of body and mind - but spirit as well. Stress can get us down, and leave us feeling scattered. Yet if you feel disconnected and you aren't getting the most out of your day-to-day efforts, you're not alone.For most people, finding lasting fulfillment is a lifelong battle. These ten tips can help you win over the outside turmoil and live a happier, more centered life!
1. Listen to your body
There's no "perfect" picture of health. Everyone is different. Get to know your body, and treat it well so that it runs optimally. For instance, if you're craving broccoli, eat it - you might need the iron. Likewise, if you're craving chocolate, you might have a little - dark chocolate in particular has health benefits when it is consumed in moderation.
Whenever your desires are mental, however, you'll want to recognize that. And if you feel "off," you'll want to get to your doctor. Our bodies manifest our states of mind and our emotions, so listen to yours. And if you need help from a doctor or health practitioner you'll find you're better off for having taken that step.
2. Sleep and fitness routine
Getting up - and going to bed - at the same time every day has proven benefits to your body. So does exercise. One popular study revealed that it takes three weeks to build a habit, but only two weeks to break one! Make a sleep-and-exercise routine plan and commit to sticking to it for one month. After that, you may find that your new activities have become habit, and you don't need to force them. This doesn't mean you have to hit the gym every day or approach someone else's idea of physical fitness - just get moving. Walk, run, ride your bike - or do yoga or pilates to increase your stamina and get your endorphins flowing. The method is entirely up to you! Whatever you choose, you'll feel fitter and better-rested - guaranteed.
3. Relax your mind, body and spirit
Meditation means different things to different people. So whether you proceed with a mantra (like in Transcendental Meditation) or try a guided relaxation CD, just carve out a little time for yourself to truly relax and be one with your surroundings. Mornings may be easiest - you may want to consider taking ten minutes first thing when you calculate your wake-up time. But any time will do - just be sure to spend it in solitude. Avoid the computer, television, phone, family or whatever else may distract you. This needs to be a sacred time to clear your mind. Your day will be brighter, and you'll find yourself feeling more centered when and if those stress levels increase.
4. Eat organic -or at least eat right
This doesn't mean you have to go on a diet and eliminate the things you love - remember that all things are good in moderation. Simply make an effort to buy foods that don't contain pesticides. Look for farm raised, untreated meat if you eat it. Include fruits and veggies in your diet, and go easy on the sugar. Choose whole grains instead of white flour. You don't have to get expensive about it, either. These days most grocery stores have affordable organic and/or healthy options. All of these are simple ways to treat your body like the temple that it is - and increase your energy!
5. Approach challenges as opportunities for growth
When something gets harder - at home, in the office, in a relationship - we have the tendency to see the glass as half-empty. But a simple shift in perspective can do wonders for your state of mind. The next time you encounter an obstacle you might want to pause, take a breath and consider what you stand to gain by overcoming it. Once you've done it once or twice, the challenges will seem less stressful - and you'll find that you increasingly feel capable of handling anything that comes your way!
6. Get organizedIt's easy to let messes pile up.
Whether it's paperwork or dirty clothes, most of us have fallen victim to disorganization at some point or another. And occasionally, these little tasks are bound to fall by the wayside. Does this mean you have to be immaculately neat all the time? No. But everyone stands to benefit from creating a method of organization. Do it one room at a time, making places for the things you need and discarding the things you don't - be brutal! You'll find that when messes pile up, it's a lot easier to clean up. When everything has its place, it's a lot harder to misplace things - including your calm and sanity!
7. Make time for friends
While it can be tough to find time in the day/week/month/year to do everything we want to do, social networks are an important part of feeling fulfilled. Think about it: part of the reason for pre-school is to get kids used to socializing - it's considered an important developmental skill. None of that changes as we grow older. Friends are important, and they offer a different kind of interaction than family members - or even people you're dating. Make it a point to have a "friend date" at least once a month, whether you rotate houses or simply go out - you'll walk away feeling needed and grateful for the people you've chosen to have in your life.
8. See the love around you
Love is an energy as much as it is an emotion. So when you're looking to "see" the love around you, it doesn't mean seeing couples. In fact, it doesn't need to be related to romance at all. If you become love, in the sense that your intentions are pure and you operate by doing what's good for your highest good (not necessarily having your way) - and you're kind to others, and appreciative of the fact that we all have strengths and weaknesses - you'll begin to feel what it is to experience love - by giving it. In turn, you will receive it from the world.
9. Commune with nature
Sounds a little frou-frou? It's not. Have you ever wondered why it is that when you go to the beach/forest/river you're overcome by a sense of peace and belonging? It's because you do belong. Osho (and a host of other spiritual writers, advisers and philosophers) suggest that if you get out into nature and feel yourself as a part of it, you'll experience benefits in your relationships with others - as well as the one you have with yourself. Understand that you are a part of the universal energy, and allow yourself to experience it. The ways in which you'll be enriched are countless.
10. Seek objective advice
Sometimes it's hard to see our own patterns. People go on for years and years making the same mistakes - and encountering the same situations over and over again - without stopping to think "maybe it's me." The universe presents you with the same lessons until you learn them. But if you're having trouble, it may be that you need someone else to help you see what you could be missing… and how you can change it. Remember, whether you know it now or not, we all create our own realities.And why not make your reality a joyful, content one?
1. Listen to your body
There's no "perfect" picture of health. Everyone is different. Get to know your body, and treat it well so that it runs optimally. For instance, if you're craving broccoli, eat it - you might need the iron. Likewise, if you're craving chocolate, you might have a little - dark chocolate in particular has health benefits when it is consumed in moderation.
Whenever your desires are mental, however, you'll want to recognize that. And if you feel "off," you'll want to get to your doctor. Our bodies manifest our states of mind and our emotions, so listen to yours. And if you need help from a doctor or health practitioner you'll find you're better off for having taken that step.
2. Sleep and fitness routine
Getting up - and going to bed - at the same time every day has proven benefits to your body. So does exercise. One popular study revealed that it takes three weeks to build a habit, but only two weeks to break one! Make a sleep-and-exercise routine plan and commit to sticking to it for one month. After that, you may find that your new activities have become habit, and you don't need to force them. This doesn't mean you have to hit the gym every day or approach someone else's idea of physical fitness - just get moving. Walk, run, ride your bike - or do yoga or pilates to increase your stamina and get your endorphins flowing. The method is entirely up to you! Whatever you choose, you'll feel fitter and better-rested - guaranteed.
3. Relax your mind, body and spirit
Meditation means different things to different people. So whether you proceed with a mantra (like in Transcendental Meditation) or try a guided relaxation CD, just carve out a little time for yourself to truly relax and be one with your surroundings. Mornings may be easiest - you may want to consider taking ten minutes first thing when you calculate your wake-up time. But any time will do - just be sure to spend it in solitude. Avoid the computer, television, phone, family or whatever else may distract you. This needs to be a sacred time to clear your mind. Your day will be brighter, and you'll find yourself feeling more centered when and if those stress levels increase.
4. Eat organic -or at least eat right
This doesn't mean you have to go on a diet and eliminate the things you love - remember that all things are good in moderation. Simply make an effort to buy foods that don't contain pesticides. Look for farm raised, untreated meat if you eat it. Include fruits and veggies in your diet, and go easy on the sugar. Choose whole grains instead of white flour. You don't have to get expensive about it, either. These days most grocery stores have affordable organic and/or healthy options. All of these are simple ways to treat your body like the temple that it is - and increase your energy!
5. Approach challenges as opportunities for growth
When something gets harder - at home, in the office, in a relationship - we have the tendency to see the glass as half-empty. But a simple shift in perspective can do wonders for your state of mind. The next time you encounter an obstacle you might want to pause, take a breath and consider what you stand to gain by overcoming it. Once you've done it once or twice, the challenges will seem less stressful - and you'll find that you increasingly feel capable of handling anything that comes your way!
6. Get organizedIt's easy to let messes pile up.
Whether it's paperwork or dirty clothes, most of us have fallen victim to disorganization at some point or another. And occasionally, these little tasks are bound to fall by the wayside. Does this mean you have to be immaculately neat all the time? No. But everyone stands to benefit from creating a method of organization. Do it one room at a time, making places for the things you need and discarding the things you don't - be brutal! You'll find that when messes pile up, it's a lot easier to clean up. When everything has its place, it's a lot harder to misplace things - including your calm and sanity!
7. Make time for friends
While it can be tough to find time in the day/week/month/year to do everything we want to do, social networks are an important part of feeling fulfilled. Think about it: part of the reason for pre-school is to get kids used to socializing - it's considered an important developmental skill. None of that changes as we grow older. Friends are important, and they offer a different kind of interaction than family members - or even people you're dating. Make it a point to have a "friend date" at least once a month, whether you rotate houses or simply go out - you'll walk away feeling needed and grateful for the people you've chosen to have in your life.
8. See the love around you
Love is an energy as much as it is an emotion. So when you're looking to "see" the love around you, it doesn't mean seeing couples. In fact, it doesn't need to be related to romance at all. If you become love, in the sense that your intentions are pure and you operate by doing what's good for your highest good (not necessarily having your way) - and you're kind to others, and appreciative of the fact that we all have strengths and weaknesses - you'll begin to feel what it is to experience love - by giving it. In turn, you will receive it from the world.
9. Commune with nature
Sounds a little frou-frou? It's not. Have you ever wondered why it is that when you go to the beach/forest/river you're overcome by a sense of peace and belonging? It's because you do belong. Osho (and a host of other spiritual writers, advisers and philosophers) suggest that if you get out into nature and feel yourself as a part of it, you'll experience benefits in your relationships with others - as well as the one you have with yourself. Understand that you are a part of the universal energy, and allow yourself to experience it. The ways in which you'll be enriched are countless.
10. Seek objective advice
Sometimes it's hard to see our own patterns. People go on for years and years making the same mistakes - and encountering the same situations over and over again - without stopping to think "maybe it's me." The universe presents you with the same lessons until you learn them. But if you're having trouble, it may be that you need someone else to help you see what you could be missing… and how you can change it. Remember, whether you know it now or not, we all create our own realities.And why not make your reality a joyful, content one?
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Find Your True Self
With more and more of our time spent online, disconnected from the earth on which we live, it's easy for us to lose track of ourselves and our ability to access the energies of nature! The good news is, reconnection is possible with just a little shift of focus and attention.There are a whole host of spiritual traditions that link us as human beings with our environments - starting with those that came from ancient Africa, the cradle of civilization. And best of all, you don't have to alter your personal beliefs to take inspiration from them! Originated in West Africa (but filtered down into spiritual practice worldwide in the hundreds of years since), the principles of "Yoruba" spirituality are among those traditions that offer us a direct line to nature - both as it is around us and as it exists within us. Believing that the concept of "god" is too expansive to explain, the Yoruba personify all Higher Powers through spiritual beings, or Orisha, who represent the earth's natural elements such as the ocean, rivers and air. By simply paying respect to the elements, we invite their energies to enhance our lives.Want to learn more? Then try the three ways below of using ancient Yoruba spiritual beliefs to reconnect with your own worldly power.
1. Nurture yourself
Ever notice that a quiet day at the beach washes over you, leaving you tranquil and present? The Yoruba would thank Yemoja for this experience. The Mother of us all, Yemoja is the Orisha represented by the ocean. Her influence on humanity is as deep and unfathomable as a mother's love. She holds life within her bosom, but has the power to completely destroy life as well. In that way, we are at her mercy - unless we learn to go with her ebbs and flows, trusting that we are always where we're meant to be. Her message is perseverance.To channel the spirit of Yemoja - and nurture yourself - spend some quiet, reflective time at her shores. In other words, go to the ocean (or if that's not an option, to a lake), sit quietly alone (or with a friend who wants to do the same) and focus on drawing calm and benevolence into your life. Breathe deeply, ask for guidance and say your thanks to the universe for supporting you in your journey. By doing this, you may find that you have the power to center, and to keep moving, - despite what's going on around you. The goal is to utilize the healing, mothering energy of the water (Yemoja) to recharge.
2. Bring love (and beauty) into your life
There's no doubting the fact that art and intimacy are interconnected - both are the result of passion. In Yoruba traditions this force is represented by Oshun, the spirit-goddess of love and beauty. Personified by rivers, Oshun teaches us not just how to love others, but how to love and please ourselves by going with the flow that is human nature. She teaches us how to love with our own highest good (and the good of others) in mind.To bring love, beauty (or prosperity) into your life, or for help dealing with a difficult relationship, channel Oshun's energy and blessings by creating an altar at home filled with things you find beautiful. Need help? Jewels, copper, mirrors and the color yellow are among Oshun's favorites. Whatever you choose, by setting this altar up in a place you can see it daily (and taking a few moments to sit by it and focus your intentions on your highest good whenever you can), you create space for all that feels pleasing to you. Based in the idea that our senses are our best judge of what we need (if we truly listen to them), the goal is to appreciate what feels good - and right - so that we bring more of it into our lives.
3. Transform yourself
When we're experiencing inner turmoil, it's easy to get swept up, forgetting that we're actually being presented with an opportunity to transform ourselves. Just like every storm clears the air for a new day, our struggles become our impetus for personal growth. In Yoruba tradition this principle is the domain of Oya, the spirit goddess of change, fertility and magic. She is represented by the wind and storm, and facilitates catharsis through destruction. Old beliefs have to die in order for new ones to take hold, and her message is to fight for positive growth despite the obstacles. To give birth to a whole new you (or simply a new aspect of yourself) channel the spirit of Oya and wash (or burn) away the mindsets (or memories) that are getting in your way! Write down your old beliefs - or whatever it is you want to release - on small pieces of paper. Then light some candles and draw a bath, adding your favorite aromatic oils to the water. Climb in and cleanse yourself with the intention of washing away whatever it is you're looking to bid farewell to. When you're finished, burn the scraps of paper with the flames from the candles, and wash the ashes down the drain.
Now write your new intention on a larger piece of paper, and place it somewhere you can see it - with a red candle you light daily to remind yourself of your transformation. The goal here is recognizing the power you have in your own life - and grabbing hold of it, without hesitation.
With more and more of our time spent online, disconnected from the earth on which we live, it's easy for us to lose track of ourselves and our ability to access the energies of nature! The good news is, reconnection is possible with just a little shift of focus and attention.There are a whole host of spiritual traditions that link us as human beings with our environments - starting with those that came from ancient Africa, the cradle of civilization. And best of all, you don't have to alter your personal beliefs to take inspiration from them! Originated in West Africa (but filtered down into spiritual practice worldwide in the hundreds of years since), the principles of "Yoruba" spirituality are among those traditions that offer us a direct line to nature - both as it is around us and as it exists within us. Believing that the concept of "god" is too expansive to explain, the Yoruba personify all Higher Powers through spiritual beings, or Orisha, who represent the earth's natural elements such as the ocean, rivers and air. By simply paying respect to the elements, we invite their energies to enhance our lives.Want to learn more? Then try the three ways below of using ancient Yoruba spiritual beliefs to reconnect with your own worldly power.
1. Nurture yourself
Ever notice that a quiet day at the beach washes over you, leaving you tranquil and present? The Yoruba would thank Yemoja for this experience. The Mother of us all, Yemoja is the Orisha represented by the ocean. Her influence on humanity is as deep and unfathomable as a mother's love. She holds life within her bosom, but has the power to completely destroy life as well. In that way, we are at her mercy - unless we learn to go with her ebbs and flows, trusting that we are always where we're meant to be. Her message is perseverance.To channel the spirit of Yemoja - and nurture yourself - spend some quiet, reflective time at her shores. In other words, go to the ocean (or if that's not an option, to a lake), sit quietly alone (or with a friend who wants to do the same) and focus on drawing calm and benevolence into your life. Breathe deeply, ask for guidance and say your thanks to the universe for supporting you in your journey. By doing this, you may find that you have the power to center, and to keep moving, - despite what's going on around you. The goal is to utilize the healing, mothering energy of the water (Yemoja) to recharge.
2. Bring love (and beauty) into your life
There's no doubting the fact that art and intimacy are interconnected - both are the result of passion. In Yoruba traditions this force is represented by Oshun, the spirit-goddess of love and beauty. Personified by rivers, Oshun teaches us not just how to love others, but how to love and please ourselves by going with the flow that is human nature. She teaches us how to love with our own highest good (and the good of others) in mind.To bring love, beauty (or prosperity) into your life, or for help dealing with a difficult relationship, channel Oshun's energy and blessings by creating an altar at home filled with things you find beautiful. Need help? Jewels, copper, mirrors and the color yellow are among Oshun's favorites. Whatever you choose, by setting this altar up in a place you can see it daily (and taking a few moments to sit by it and focus your intentions on your highest good whenever you can), you create space for all that feels pleasing to you. Based in the idea that our senses are our best judge of what we need (if we truly listen to them), the goal is to appreciate what feels good - and right - so that we bring more of it into our lives.
3. Transform yourself
When we're experiencing inner turmoil, it's easy to get swept up, forgetting that we're actually being presented with an opportunity to transform ourselves. Just like every storm clears the air for a new day, our struggles become our impetus for personal growth. In Yoruba tradition this principle is the domain of Oya, the spirit goddess of change, fertility and magic. She is represented by the wind and storm, and facilitates catharsis through destruction. Old beliefs have to die in order for new ones to take hold, and her message is to fight for positive growth despite the obstacles. To give birth to a whole new you (or simply a new aspect of yourself) channel the spirit of Oya and wash (or burn) away the mindsets (or memories) that are getting in your way! Write down your old beliefs - or whatever it is you want to release - on small pieces of paper. Then light some candles and draw a bath, adding your favorite aromatic oils to the water. Climb in and cleanse yourself with the intention of washing away whatever it is you're looking to bid farewell to. When you're finished, burn the scraps of paper with the flames from the candles, and wash the ashes down the drain.
Now write your new intention on a larger piece of paper, and place it somewhere you can see it - with a red candle you light daily to remind yourself of your transformation. The goal here is recognizing the power you have in your own life - and grabbing hold of it, without hesitation.
Friday, July 24, 2009
THOSE LITTLE THINGS...
We've all heard the saying, "dream big," and having lofty aspirations is admirable. Yet because of our busy lives, we may relegate our smaller goals to a "tomorrow" that never comes. However, our smaller achievements may set the stage for larger ones. Plus, they can be satisfying in their own right.
So rather than focusing on the time you wish you had to get in shape, take guitar lessons, or learn a second language, why not try a different approach to making the more manageable dreams a reality? After all, if you wait until retirement - or you meet the perfect match - to do the things you want, you'll deny yourself experiences that might bring enrichment to your life right now.
There are countless goals you can achieve in as little as 20 or minutes a day - in between work, family and daily chores. Forget all the excuses that have been holding you back. Here are some life-enhancing ambitions that you can satisfy quite easily.
Shape up!
Eager to get into better shape, but just can't find the time to fit exercise into your hectic schedule? Developing a fitness regimen you can stick to is easier than you think. Independent activities such as walking, jogging and weight-training can be performed any time - day or night. Even if you can only devote 20 minutes per day to a physical activity, fitness experts have developed dozens of "express" routines that work different areas of the body - such as abs, legs or arms - in just 15 minutes. By rotating two or three different routines, you'll get a full-body workout each week. Even the simple task of walking briskly for 20 minutes burns approximately 100 calories. Do that every day, and you'll burn 700 calories per week.
Bust a move
More than 22 million people watched the premiere of Dancing with the Stars this season. It appears that there's a big group of happy feet secretly yearning to demonstrate a little fancy footwork of their own! Dancing is a timeless art that not only keeps you in shape, but also provides tremendous entertainment. Whether you tango, mambo, swing, foxtrot or engage in hip-hop moves, dance lessons are an incredible way to meet new people and are usually held only once a week - which is perfect for even the busiest lifestyle. Even if you never reach the level of Ginger or Fred, you'll have gained a skill that will please you and impress others - and you'll burn calories while you're at it
Learn a foreign language
Yes, we've all heard that the best way to master a foreign language is to immerse yourself in its nation of origin. Unfortunately, most of us don't have the ability to pack up and move to Paris, Tuscany or Madrid. But that shouldn't prevent you from living out your dream of being able to converse in another tongue - you can now download language lessons online, and practice during your commute. There are hundreds of books and DVDs available that will assist you with everything from pronunciation to vocabulary. In fact, even if you can only devote 30 minutes a day, you'll accomplish a great deal. By setting a goal to learn 20 or more new words each week, you'll build a vocabulary of more than 1,000 words in your first year.
Start saving
There's never been a better time to get your finances in order. Whether you'd like to pay down student loans, save for a vacation, put money away for retirement or reduce your mortgage, big-picture thinking can be daunting when it comes to money. Rather than limiting spending in extreme ways or taking on a second job, implement small measures that save money but don't deprive you of the things you love. For instance, the $3 you spend on lattes every morning may not seem like much, but those little purchases add up. Enjoy coffee at home four days a week and you'll save more than $600 a year - money enough for vacation airfare, or to cover unexpected expenses such as an automotive repair. Take it one step further by depositing $20 a week into a savings account - the equivalent of one dinner out with friends - and you will have accrued more than $1,000 in a single year.
Savor the journey
No matter what goals you set out to achieve, it's important to remember that the process is part of the journey. If you focus only on the endgame you won't enjoy the little milestones along the way. When it comes to dreams - big or small - little successes should be just as gratifying as the final outcome
You should also be flexible about the time it takes to reach your goals. As we all know by now, life is what happens when you're making other plans. If you can't fit in a workout one week, or you miss a few guitar lessons, don't give up in frustration - or convince yourself that you simply don't have the time to make your dream a reality. Resume the quest as soon as you're comfortable doing so. Stops and starts are a part of all such endeavors, so turn dreaming into doing. It's easier than you think!
easier than you think!
So rather than focusing on the time you wish you had to get in shape, take guitar lessons, or learn a second language, why not try a different approach to making the more manageable dreams a reality? After all, if you wait until retirement - or you meet the perfect match - to do the things you want, you'll deny yourself experiences that might bring enrichment to your life right now.
There are countless goals you can achieve in as little as 20 or minutes a day - in between work, family and daily chores. Forget all the excuses that have been holding you back. Here are some life-enhancing ambitions that you can satisfy quite easily.
Shape up!
Eager to get into better shape, but just can't find the time to fit exercise into your hectic schedule? Developing a fitness regimen you can stick to is easier than you think. Independent activities such as walking, jogging and weight-training can be performed any time - day or night. Even if you can only devote 20 minutes per day to a physical activity, fitness experts have developed dozens of "express" routines that work different areas of the body - such as abs, legs or arms - in just 15 minutes. By rotating two or three different routines, you'll get a full-body workout each week. Even the simple task of walking briskly for 20 minutes burns approximately 100 calories. Do that every day, and you'll burn 700 calories per week.
Bust a move
More than 22 million people watched the premiere of Dancing with the Stars this season. It appears that there's a big group of happy feet secretly yearning to demonstrate a little fancy footwork of their own! Dancing is a timeless art that not only keeps you in shape, but also provides tremendous entertainment. Whether you tango, mambo, swing, foxtrot or engage in hip-hop moves, dance lessons are an incredible way to meet new people and are usually held only once a week - which is perfect for even the busiest lifestyle. Even if you never reach the level of Ginger or Fred, you'll have gained a skill that will please you and impress others - and you'll burn calories while you're at it
Learn a foreign language
Yes, we've all heard that the best way to master a foreign language is to immerse yourself in its nation of origin. Unfortunately, most of us don't have the ability to pack up and move to Paris, Tuscany or Madrid. But that shouldn't prevent you from living out your dream of being able to converse in another tongue - you can now download language lessons online, and practice during your commute. There are hundreds of books and DVDs available that will assist you with everything from pronunciation to vocabulary. In fact, even if you can only devote 30 minutes a day, you'll accomplish a great deal. By setting a goal to learn 20 or more new words each week, you'll build a vocabulary of more than 1,000 words in your first year.
Start saving
There's never been a better time to get your finances in order. Whether you'd like to pay down student loans, save for a vacation, put money away for retirement or reduce your mortgage, big-picture thinking can be daunting when it comes to money. Rather than limiting spending in extreme ways or taking on a second job, implement small measures that save money but don't deprive you of the things you love. For instance, the $3 you spend on lattes every morning may not seem like much, but those little purchases add up. Enjoy coffee at home four days a week and you'll save more than $600 a year - money enough for vacation airfare, or to cover unexpected expenses such as an automotive repair. Take it one step further by depositing $20 a week into a savings account - the equivalent of one dinner out with friends - and you will have accrued more than $1,000 in a single year.
Savor the journey
No matter what goals you set out to achieve, it's important to remember that the process is part of the journey. If you focus only on the endgame you won't enjoy the little milestones along the way. When it comes to dreams - big or small - little successes should be just as gratifying as the final outcome
You should also be flexible about the time it takes to reach your goals. As we all know by now, life is what happens when you're making other plans. If you can't fit in a workout one week, or you miss a few guitar lessons, don't give up in frustration - or convince yourself that you simply don't have the time to make your dream a reality. Resume the quest as soon as you're comfortable doing so. Stops and starts are a part of all such endeavors, so turn dreaming into doing. It's easier than you think!
easier than you think!
Friday, July 17, 2009
is your heart fooling you?????????????
It's strange how the heart works… It beats and beats and beats every moment of every day that you're alive, increasing its pace when your body is stressed, shocked or under emotional duress. And when it comes to love, it's your most trusted friend - because it can actually be the first to tell you how you feel about a potential mate.Have you noticed how it speeds up and practically pounds through your chest when you meet someone with whom you're destined to have a long-lasting romantic connection? Love, after all, stems from somewhere - and the heart seems to be the source of our sweetest emotions.
But do you know that your heart may not be 100% accurate in its messages? You may, in fact, be mistaking other things for love - dependence, lust, loneliness... all those states that lead you to seek comfort. In fact, the increased beating of your heart might be signaling something else. Maybe it's trying to tell you that you're in a bad situation, and the person you used to love beyond belief is now actually upsetting you with their presence. Anger and hate are powerful emotions, as strong as love - and might be creating your heart's reaction. Or perhaps you feel sorry for this person, and unhealthy devotion is keeping you attached.
Head over heart
This is exactly why it's sometimes necessary to listen to something other than your beating heart, because you may be interpreting it incorrectly. Examine your situation from a different view - ask your head rather than your heart. Has your relationship foundered to the point where you don't actually feel the connection with this person you used to consider your soulmate?
Do you see a future as a couple,
or has that image begun to dissolve?
Have you begun to feel as though you'd rather be doing anything else with anyone else rather than being with them?
Is you heart pounding out of lust only?
If you've answered any of the above in the affirmative, then you have likely hit the end of the road for your union. If couples counseling doesn't improve the situation, you need to listen more closely to your heart. It's not actually telling you "you love them and you're meant to be together." Instead, it's likely trying to tell you, "you once loved them, but you're just staying together because it's comfortable, and you may be scared to begin all over again in love."
Your heart's true message
Indeed, fear of the unknown often keeps us from moving forward when we most need to. Instead, we are more concerned with questions like,
"Will I find another mate?" and
"Do I really want to be alone?" and
"Do I have the energy to start a relationship anew?"
You really must look inside yourself and ask whether sticking with the wrong person is a better plan than striking out on your own or finding someone else. The answer is very often that you should unshackle yourself from the dead-end romance and begin the next chapter in your life - and the very idea may leave you, once more, with a pounding heart.Once you've made this realization, you will hear a different message when listening to your heart - a message that is more in tune with your gut instinct and your mind - and perhaps even the advice of your friends and family. Sticking in a dead-end relationship stagnates your senses. Once you're free, you'll find yourself noticing a beautiful day or a colorful plant or a delicious taste or scent. These are experiences that your mind might have shut itself off to when your senses were deadened. Newly awakened by the excitement of starting over, you'll appreciate those things that you'd just glossed over or taken for granted. Perhaps this is the heart's way of blessing you with a second chance at love.
Unchain your heart
Now here's the tricky part - unhitching yourself from your soon-to-be-ex. Actually, this probably won't be as difficult, once you recognize this one very simple fact - if you're feeling like the relationship is over, it's very likely that they also feel the same way. If that's the case, you should be able to sit down together like two adults and very calmly discuss the fact that although you still have feelings for them, you no longer feel that there's enough substance left in your relationship to continue down a forever path.
Wish them the best, remain friends if you want to… but move on (yes, we know, easier said than done!). You'll feel a burst of energy, and a weight off your chest that will allow your heart to pump more freely and strongly than it has in a while. Now relish your newfound freedom, and listen a little more closely to your heart. It won't steer you wrong, as long as you listen to it carefully.
But do you know that your heart may not be 100% accurate in its messages? You may, in fact, be mistaking other things for love - dependence, lust, loneliness... all those states that lead you to seek comfort. In fact, the increased beating of your heart might be signaling something else. Maybe it's trying to tell you that you're in a bad situation, and the person you used to love beyond belief is now actually upsetting you with their presence. Anger and hate are powerful emotions, as strong as love - and might be creating your heart's reaction. Or perhaps you feel sorry for this person, and unhealthy devotion is keeping you attached.
Head over heart
This is exactly why it's sometimes necessary to listen to something other than your beating heart, because you may be interpreting it incorrectly. Examine your situation from a different view - ask your head rather than your heart. Has your relationship foundered to the point where you don't actually feel the connection with this person you used to consider your soulmate?
Do you see a future as a couple,
or has that image begun to dissolve?
Have you begun to feel as though you'd rather be doing anything else with anyone else rather than being with them?
Is you heart pounding out of lust only?
If you've answered any of the above in the affirmative, then you have likely hit the end of the road for your union. If couples counseling doesn't improve the situation, you need to listen more closely to your heart. It's not actually telling you "you love them and you're meant to be together." Instead, it's likely trying to tell you, "you once loved them, but you're just staying together because it's comfortable, and you may be scared to begin all over again in love."
Your heart's true message
Indeed, fear of the unknown often keeps us from moving forward when we most need to. Instead, we are more concerned with questions like,
"Will I find another mate?" and
"Do I really want to be alone?" and
"Do I have the energy to start a relationship anew?"
You really must look inside yourself and ask whether sticking with the wrong person is a better plan than striking out on your own or finding someone else. The answer is very often that you should unshackle yourself from the dead-end romance and begin the next chapter in your life - and the very idea may leave you, once more, with a pounding heart.Once you've made this realization, you will hear a different message when listening to your heart - a message that is more in tune with your gut instinct and your mind - and perhaps even the advice of your friends and family. Sticking in a dead-end relationship stagnates your senses. Once you're free, you'll find yourself noticing a beautiful day or a colorful plant or a delicious taste or scent. These are experiences that your mind might have shut itself off to when your senses were deadened. Newly awakened by the excitement of starting over, you'll appreciate those things that you'd just glossed over or taken for granted. Perhaps this is the heart's way of blessing you with a second chance at love.
Unchain your heart
Now here's the tricky part - unhitching yourself from your soon-to-be-ex. Actually, this probably won't be as difficult, once you recognize this one very simple fact - if you're feeling like the relationship is over, it's very likely that they also feel the same way. If that's the case, you should be able to sit down together like two adults and very calmly discuss the fact that although you still have feelings for them, you no longer feel that there's enough substance left in your relationship to continue down a forever path.
Wish them the best, remain friends if you want to… but move on (yes, we know, easier said than done!). You'll feel a burst of energy, and a weight off your chest that will allow your heart to pump more freely and strongly than it has in a while. Now relish your newfound freedom, and listen a little more closely to your heart. It won't steer you wrong, as long as you listen to it carefully.
pick your friends by SIGN
If you've decided you need to widen your social circle (or fire your friends!), astrology can be a helpful guide. Just as some signs are more compatible as lovers, the same holds true for friends. While everyone is their own person, astrological influences tend to surface in some way, shape or form in all relationships - so it's nice when you know what you're getting into, or why you're over it!
As you know, each sign of the zodiac is associated with one of the four main elements of life: Fire, Earth, Air and Water. That's the best place to start looking when you astrologically size up a friend.
Fire
Fire signs Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius are super fun, adventurous pals. There is rarely a dull moment when Leo is in the spotlight, Sag is talking about your next mountain trek, and Aries is committing you to the soccer league. These people tend to be energetic and active, with a need to express themselves. They can be very impulsive and outgoing, and are usually not afraid to take risks. They are very attractive as friends, but beware - because they can get you in trouble!
Aries friends, regardless of gender, tend to get along better with men As friends, they are warm and hospitable, high-energy, and fun. They enjoy a bit of personal competition, which can get touchy because their ego requires that they be number one. They like life in the fast lane, are typically athletic, and are usually ready to go out on the town. Their quick temper and stubborn nature can be a handful at times, but they are loyal to their long-term friends.
Aries gets along best with: Other Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Leo, Sagittarius, Aquarius and Pisces - moderately well with Cancer, Libra and Capricorn. Friendships with Virgo and Scorpio tend to be challenging until the very end.
Leos are warm and generous, outgoing and funny However, they do come equipped with a rather large ego - one that needs to be fed. As a friend, they are loyal and giving, sincere and honest. They like routine, are usually successful themselves, and are more inclined to have successful friends. They can be self-centered and need their privacy, and aren't always the best at offering explanations for cancelled plans.
Leo gets along best with: Other Leos, Virgo, Libra, Sagittarius, Aries, Gemini, and Cancer - fairly well with Scorpio, Aquarius and Taurus. Relationships with Capricorn and Pisces tend to require a bit more work than Leo likes to put in.
Sagittarius is outgoing and upbeat, popular and warmAs a friend, they are protective and tend to take in strays… animals or people. They are very accepting, and see equality in all beings. Free-spirited and prone to wandering, they may not make the best confidantes, but they do see beauty in all things - sometimes because they like to stick their heads in the sand to avoid unpleasantness.
Sagittarius gets along best with: Other Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, Aries, Leo, Libra, and Scorpio - moderately well with Pisces, Gemini, and Virgo. They often find less pleasure in relationships with Taurus and Cancer.
Earth
Earth signs Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn tend to be very practical and stable friends that can last a lifetime. They are industrious yet patient souls who know how to set goals and work hard to achieve them. So if you need career advice, resumes written, honest relationship advice or someone to pick you up at 3:00 a.m., you can count on an earth sign. But they will also tell it like they see it, so if you don't want to know the truth, don't hang out with a bull, a virgin, or a goat.
Taurus friends are affectionate, reliable and strong of will and of character As a friend, they enjoy people and the finer things in life. They don't like weakness in themselves or others, and will not hesitate to point it out. It takes some effort to gain the trust of a Taurus, but if you have and respect it, you'll have no better friend.Taurus gets along best with: Other bulls, Gemini, Cancer, Virgo, Capricorn, Pisces and Aries - moderately well with Leo, Scorpio, and Aquarius. They have little patience when it comes to Libra and Sagittarius.
Virgo is intelligent and tidy, intellectual and kind As a friend, they are helpful and giving, and prefer to keep things peaceful and serene. They are natural worriers, who are always willing to lend a hand, but have a bit of trouble asking for help or admitting when they are wrong. They may only have a handful of those whom they consider friends, but they surely have a list of acquaintances a mile or so long.Virgo gets along best with: Other Virgos, Libra, Scorpio, Capricorn, Taurus, Cancer and Leo - fairly well with Sagittarius, Pisces and Gemini. They tend to be overwhelmed by Aquarius and Aries.
Capricorns are loyal and kind, sincere and devotedThis sign will not desert a true friend. They are prone to testing their relationships, and sometimes overstep their bounds by trying to help or do good for someone that they care about. If a friendship goes wrong, they certainly can hold a grudge… but even an angry Capricorn will make good on their promises.Capricorn gets along best with: Other Capricorns, Aquarius, Pisces, Taurus, Virgo, Scorpio, and Sagittarius - moderately well with Aries, Cancer, and Libra. Gemini and Leo have a way of exhausting the Capricorn sense of duty and responsibility.
Air
Air signs Gemini, Libra and Aquarius tend to be highly communicative and intelligent. This makes them exciting as they can quickly grasp ideas and concepts. They definitely operate from a rational and thinking plane, yet they are spontaneous in their day-to-day activities. This makes them enjoyable to be around, but sometimes a little neurotic - with a short attention span. Libras especially love to move on to the next party if the one they're at is not exciting enough.
Gemini loves adventure, and anything lively or fun Even though it seems as if they know everyone, they tend to keep most people at a distance. If you make the cut, a Gemini is a loyal, kind, and generous friend. Because the twins like things to be interesting, they know how to embellish a tale, and are drawn to theater and the arts. While they can be sympathetic, they don't dwell on the negatives of life, and expect others to do the same.Gemini gets along best with: Other Geminis, Cancer, Leo, Libra, Aquarius, Aries, and Taurus - moderately well with Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces. Scorpio and Capricorn have a way of getting under their skin.
Libra enjoys life on the go, but always makes time to keep in touch They are loving and fair, and are unlikely to betray a friend or a confidence. They love the social scene - and the more lavish, the better! Full of life, they tend to show appreciation to those they care for. At times, Libra can be jealous or needy, but the up-side of a Libra surely outweighs the bad.Libra gets along best with: Other Libras, Scorpios, Sagittarius, Aquarius, Gemini, Leos and Virgos - fairly well with Capricorn, Aries, and Cancer. They don't always relate to Pisces and Taurus.
Aquarius is fascinated by people in generalAlthough they have many acquaintances that seem to come and go, Aquarians are friendly and non-judgmental, and will work to secure relationships with people they feel mirror them in some way. It is an interesting journey with Aquarius as a friend, for they can be a bit eccentric or outright radical - and it can be hard to feel "close" to an Aquarian.Aquarius gets along best with: Other Aquarius, Pisces, Aries, Gemini, Libra, Sagittarius, and Capricorn - moderately well with Taurus, Leo, and Scorpio. They don't always seem to have time to fully embrace and understand those born under Cancer or Virgo.
WaterWater signs Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces are creative, imaginative and emotional. They seem to have a heightened intuition and can be quite empathetic to the people around them - making them understanding friends who know how to listen. They can bring an aesthetic into your life that you never imagined existed. But they can also be moody and unreliable.
Cancers are supportive, loving and protectiveAs a friend, they will give as much as you ask, but fully expect you to do the same. To a Cancer, the line of "friend" is often crossed, and a Cancer's friend becomes part of a big extended family. The Cancer nature is good at feeling victimized, so this is a friendship that needs to be treated with care - but that is a small price to pay for knowing someone who will always be there for you.Cancer gets along best with: Other Cancers, Leos, Virgos, Scorpios, Pisces, Taurus, and Geminis - moderately well with Libra, Capricorn, and Aries. They're not so great with Sagittarius or Aquarius.
Scorpios aren't always the most outgoingThey tend to carefully screen and evaluate those whom they invite into their circle of friends. If you make the cut, a Scorpio will expect nothing less than complete loyalty, and will give you the same. A Scorpio friendship is an interesting dance, as they will know (and protect) your secrets before you know their middle names.Scorpio gets along best with: Other Scorpios, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Pisces, Cancer, Virgo, and Libra - fairly well with Aquarius, Taurus, and Leo. Aries and Gemini tend to be a little too chaotic for developing any long-term ties.
Pisces are friendly and loyal, humorous and scatteredWhile they may seem cool or aloof initially, once you know them they are warm and caring. Pisces has as many friends as they do acquaintances, and their compassionate side and willingness to help often makes them a target for being taken advantage of. Pisces like to be needed, and can sometimes be needy, but a Pisces friendship is likely to span the test of distance... as well as years.Pisces get along best with: Other Pisces, Aries, Taurus, Cancer, Scorpio, Capricorn, and Aquarius; moderately well with Gemini, Virgo, and Sagittarius. They usually find Leo and Libra to be a bit too selfish for lasting ties.
As you know, each sign of the zodiac is associated with one of the four main elements of life: Fire, Earth, Air and Water. That's the best place to start looking when you astrologically size up a friend.
Fire
Fire signs Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius are super fun, adventurous pals. There is rarely a dull moment when Leo is in the spotlight, Sag is talking about your next mountain trek, and Aries is committing you to the soccer league. These people tend to be energetic and active, with a need to express themselves. They can be very impulsive and outgoing, and are usually not afraid to take risks. They are very attractive as friends, but beware - because they can get you in trouble!
Aries friends, regardless of gender, tend to get along better with men As friends, they are warm and hospitable, high-energy, and fun. They enjoy a bit of personal competition, which can get touchy because their ego requires that they be number one. They like life in the fast lane, are typically athletic, and are usually ready to go out on the town. Their quick temper and stubborn nature can be a handful at times, but they are loyal to their long-term friends.
Aries gets along best with: Other Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Leo, Sagittarius, Aquarius and Pisces - moderately well with Cancer, Libra and Capricorn. Friendships with Virgo and Scorpio tend to be challenging until the very end.
Leos are warm and generous, outgoing and funny However, they do come equipped with a rather large ego - one that needs to be fed. As a friend, they are loyal and giving, sincere and honest. They like routine, are usually successful themselves, and are more inclined to have successful friends. They can be self-centered and need their privacy, and aren't always the best at offering explanations for cancelled plans.
Leo gets along best with: Other Leos, Virgo, Libra, Sagittarius, Aries, Gemini, and Cancer - fairly well with Scorpio, Aquarius and Taurus. Relationships with Capricorn and Pisces tend to require a bit more work than Leo likes to put in.
Sagittarius is outgoing and upbeat, popular and warmAs a friend, they are protective and tend to take in strays… animals or people. They are very accepting, and see equality in all beings. Free-spirited and prone to wandering, they may not make the best confidantes, but they do see beauty in all things - sometimes because they like to stick their heads in the sand to avoid unpleasantness.
Sagittarius gets along best with: Other Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, Aries, Leo, Libra, and Scorpio - moderately well with Pisces, Gemini, and Virgo. They often find less pleasure in relationships with Taurus and Cancer.
Earth
Earth signs Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn tend to be very practical and stable friends that can last a lifetime. They are industrious yet patient souls who know how to set goals and work hard to achieve them. So if you need career advice, resumes written, honest relationship advice or someone to pick you up at 3:00 a.m., you can count on an earth sign. But they will also tell it like they see it, so if you don't want to know the truth, don't hang out with a bull, a virgin, or a goat.
Taurus friends are affectionate, reliable and strong of will and of character As a friend, they enjoy people and the finer things in life. They don't like weakness in themselves or others, and will not hesitate to point it out. It takes some effort to gain the trust of a Taurus, but if you have and respect it, you'll have no better friend.Taurus gets along best with: Other bulls, Gemini, Cancer, Virgo, Capricorn, Pisces and Aries - moderately well with Leo, Scorpio, and Aquarius. They have little patience when it comes to Libra and Sagittarius.
Virgo is intelligent and tidy, intellectual and kind As a friend, they are helpful and giving, and prefer to keep things peaceful and serene. They are natural worriers, who are always willing to lend a hand, but have a bit of trouble asking for help or admitting when they are wrong. They may only have a handful of those whom they consider friends, but they surely have a list of acquaintances a mile or so long.Virgo gets along best with: Other Virgos, Libra, Scorpio, Capricorn, Taurus, Cancer and Leo - fairly well with Sagittarius, Pisces and Gemini. They tend to be overwhelmed by Aquarius and Aries.
Capricorns are loyal and kind, sincere and devotedThis sign will not desert a true friend. They are prone to testing their relationships, and sometimes overstep their bounds by trying to help or do good for someone that they care about. If a friendship goes wrong, they certainly can hold a grudge… but even an angry Capricorn will make good on their promises.Capricorn gets along best with: Other Capricorns, Aquarius, Pisces, Taurus, Virgo, Scorpio, and Sagittarius - moderately well with Aries, Cancer, and Libra. Gemini and Leo have a way of exhausting the Capricorn sense of duty and responsibility.
Air
Air signs Gemini, Libra and Aquarius tend to be highly communicative and intelligent. This makes them exciting as they can quickly grasp ideas and concepts. They definitely operate from a rational and thinking plane, yet they are spontaneous in their day-to-day activities. This makes them enjoyable to be around, but sometimes a little neurotic - with a short attention span. Libras especially love to move on to the next party if the one they're at is not exciting enough.
Gemini loves adventure, and anything lively or fun Even though it seems as if they know everyone, they tend to keep most people at a distance. If you make the cut, a Gemini is a loyal, kind, and generous friend. Because the twins like things to be interesting, they know how to embellish a tale, and are drawn to theater and the arts. While they can be sympathetic, they don't dwell on the negatives of life, and expect others to do the same.Gemini gets along best with: Other Geminis, Cancer, Leo, Libra, Aquarius, Aries, and Taurus - moderately well with Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces. Scorpio and Capricorn have a way of getting under their skin.
Libra enjoys life on the go, but always makes time to keep in touch They are loving and fair, and are unlikely to betray a friend or a confidence. They love the social scene - and the more lavish, the better! Full of life, they tend to show appreciation to those they care for. At times, Libra can be jealous or needy, but the up-side of a Libra surely outweighs the bad.Libra gets along best with: Other Libras, Scorpios, Sagittarius, Aquarius, Gemini, Leos and Virgos - fairly well with Capricorn, Aries, and Cancer. They don't always relate to Pisces and Taurus.
Aquarius is fascinated by people in generalAlthough they have many acquaintances that seem to come and go, Aquarians are friendly and non-judgmental, and will work to secure relationships with people they feel mirror them in some way. It is an interesting journey with Aquarius as a friend, for they can be a bit eccentric or outright radical - and it can be hard to feel "close" to an Aquarian.Aquarius gets along best with: Other Aquarius, Pisces, Aries, Gemini, Libra, Sagittarius, and Capricorn - moderately well with Taurus, Leo, and Scorpio. They don't always seem to have time to fully embrace and understand those born under Cancer or Virgo.
WaterWater signs Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces are creative, imaginative and emotional. They seem to have a heightened intuition and can be quite empathetic to the people around them - making them understanding friends who know how to listen. They can bring an aesthetic into your life that you never imagined existed. But they can also be moody and unreliable.
Cancers are supportive, loving and protectiveAs a friend, they will give as much as you ask, but fully expect you to do the same. To a Cancer, the line of "friend" is often crossed, and a Cancer's friend becomes part of a big extended family. The Cancer nature is good at feeling victimized, so this is a friendship that needs to be treated with care - but that is a small price to pay for knowing someone who will always be there for you.Cancer gets along best with: Other Cancers, Leos, Virgos, Scorpios, Pisces, Taurus, and Geminis - moderately well with Libra, Capricorn, and Aries. They're not so great with Sagittarius or Aquarius.
Scorpios aren't always the most outgoingThey tend to carefully screen and evaluate those whom they invite into their circle of friends. If you make the cut, a Scorpio will expect nothing less than complete loyalty, and will give you the same. A Scorpio friendship is an interesting dance, as they will know (and protect) your secrets before you know their middle names.Scorpio gets along best with: Other Scorpios, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Pisces, Cancer, Virgo, and Libra - fairly well with Aquarius, Taurus, and Leo. Aries and Gemini tend to be a little too chaotic for developing any long-term ties.
Pisces are friendly and loyal, humorous and scatteredWhile they may seem cool or aloof initially, once you know them they are warm and caring. Pisces has as many friends as they do acquaintances, and their compassionate side and willingness to help often makes them a target for being taken advantage of. Pisces like to be needed, and can sometimes be needy, but a Pisces friendship is likely to span the test of distance... as well as years.Pisces get along best with: Other Pisces, Aries, Taurus, Cancer, Scorpio, Capricorn, and Aquarius; moderately well with Gemini, Virgo, and Sagittarius. They usually find Leo and Libra to be a bit too selfish for lasting ties.
we all need one another
A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package. What food might this contain?" The mouse wondered - he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.
Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning:
There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"
The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it."
The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The pig sympathized, but said, I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers."
The mouse turned to the cow and said "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose."
So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap alone. That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey. The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital , and she returned home with a fever.
Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main Ingredient. But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock.
To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig. The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.
The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.
So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember -- when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk.
We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another.
Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning:
There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"
The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it."
The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The pig sympathized, but said, I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers."
The mouse turned to the cow and said "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose."
So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap alone. That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey. The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital , and she returned home with a fever.
Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main Ingredient. But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock.
To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig. The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.
The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.
So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember -- when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk.
We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another.
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FUNNY JOKE
In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.
A nurse noticed his predicament. Sir, she said ' You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.'
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled APR. Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist..
He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this. Anticipating greater pleasure,
he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.
When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure..
The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the APR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him. 'What happened?' he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the APR button.
'Oh … the Automatic Pad Remover. Your penis is under your pillow.'
A nurse noticed his predicament. Sir, she said ' You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.'
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled APR. Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist..
He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this. Anticipating greater pleasure,
he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.
When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure..
The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the APR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him. 'What happened?' he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the APR button.
'Oh … the Automatic Pad Remover. Your penis is under your pillow.'
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Flirting Tips That Work----6 tricks to try even if you're shy
Flirting. It's fun, heart-wrenching, terrifying, and exhilarating. It's also an ancient art - and the more you know, the more fun you'll have! Use the flirting tips below to get their attention - even if you're scared to death!
First, relax Flirting comes from a place of playfulness - it's a way to dip your toe into the water. You're tasting this person's energy. If you are a beginner, an open spirit and a smile is all you need to get started
Play up your assetsWhatever you have been complimented on, take it to the bank. If you have a great head of hair, take that extra time to style it just the way you like it. If you have legs to die for, buy more short skirts. You want to draw the eye to what is eye-catching. If you are someone whose personality takes over a room, then wear something you like to talk about - maybe a great shirt you got while traveling, or a pair of shoes that sparkle
Work it to your advantageStaring at someone from across the room may be what you want to do, but don't do it! Mystery is the key ingredient in successful flirting. You have to give a little - and then hold back a little. You can get a lot farther looking up as they pass by than you will from a lengthy, intense stare. That instant of eye contact forms a connection as you send a message that you want to see this person more. Plus, if you catch them eyeing you, you know that the feeling is mutual.
Let your gut guide youTrusting your instinct is the key to navigating the exciting (yet stomach-turning) initial stages of mutual attraction. Don't give it all away in the beginning. Flirting is a game of catch - you toss your energy over, to have it received and returned. Make your first gestures, and then wait and see if this person returns your admiration. If you are sending constant e-mails, buying cards and sending pictures of yourself in your lingerie, you are going way over the top! You have to let it build slowly, savoring each step of your seduction dance
Disappear now and againGive the object of your affection a chance to pine for you. Grant the person space for the feelings to well up inside so that the next time your paths cross you have even more allure than before. Anticipation is the sweetest aphrodisiac
Finally, laugh - a lot! Everyone likes to be around someone who has a sense of humor - which really means they like it when someone laughs at their jokes. Laughter and joy bring people together, which is what flirting is really for - to beckon another closer to you.
When you flirt, you tell others that you love yourself enough to put yourself out there. You are deserving of love, and you are ready to catch it. With your spirit of mystery and a laugh that rings through the party, it won't be long before someone is flirting with you.
First, relax Flirting comes from a place of playfulness - it's a way to dip your toe into the water. You're tasting this person's energy. If you are a beginner, an open spirit and a smile is all you need to get started
Play up your assetsWhatever you have been complimented on, take it to the bank. If you have a great head of hair, take that extra time to style it just the way you like it. If you have legs to die for, buy more short skirts. You want to draw the eye to what is eye-catching. If you are someone whose personality takes over a room, then wear something you like to talk about - maybe a great shirt you got while traveling, or a pair of shoes that sparkle
Work it to your advantageStaring at someone from across the room may be what you want to do, but don't do it! Mystery is the key ingredient in successful flirting. You have to give a little - and then hold back a little. You can get a lot farther looking up as they pass by than you will from a lengthy, intense stare. That instant of eye contact forms a connection as you send a message that you want to see this person more. Plus, if you catch them eyeing you, you know that the feeling is mutual.
Let your gut guide youTrusting your instinct is the key to navigating the exciting (yet stomach-turning) initial stages of mutual attraction. Don't give it all away in the beginning. Flirting is a game of catch - you toss your energy over, to have it received and returned. Make your first gestures, and then wait and see if this person returns your admiration. If you are sending constant e-mails, buying cards and sending pictures of yourself in your lingerie, you are going way over the top! You have to let it build slowly, savoring each step of your seduction dance
Disappear now and againGive the object of your affection a chance to pine for you. Grant the person space for the feelings to well up inside so that the next time your paths cross you have even more allure than before. Anticipation is the sweetest aphrodisiac
Finally, laugh - a lot! Everyone likes to be around someone who has a sense of humor - which really means they like it when someone laughs at their jokes. Laughter and joy bring people together, which is what flirting is really for - to beckon another closer to you.
When you flirt, you tell others that you love yourself enough to put yourself out there. You are deserving of love, and you are ready to catch it. With your spirit of mystery and a laugh that rings through the party, it won't be long before someone is flirting with you.
Monday, July 13, 2009
FINDING HARMONY...
Some people find harmony by striding down a crowded, bustling urban street, hammering out a deal on their Blackberry. For others harmony is found in silence, space, big trees and solitude. Harmony happens most easily when you're living the life you want. You're doing what floats your boat, and life just feels right. Unlike harmony in music, math or physics, each person's experience of life harmony is unique. But because we live in a world of contrast and change, any sense of harmony that depends on outer circumstances is bound to be jostled and knocked out of alignment - sometimes frequently.
Out of harmonyChallenges in health, love, money or work are hard to avoid, and some are easier to restore to harmony than others. But what can really mess with your mind is impending change - especially change that seems to be out of your hands, when events appear to be moving you away from what you want. Sometimes they seem to keep going in the wrong direction no matter how hard you struggle.
Or you could be experiencing the kind of soul-deep restlessness and incompleteness that usually indicates it's time for you to make a change, no matter how much you hate the thought. For some, though, even getting close to a sense of harmony seems impossible. If you've grown up in challenging circumstances, or recently been hammered by difficulties- or if your experience tells you that life just isn't on your side, and that there's nothing you can do to change it - harmony seems to exist in another universe entirely.
Find and keep itTo put it simply, maintaining harmony is about finding your center. This is easiest to define in martial arts terms. The martial arts teach that your center is an actual place in your body which, when you focus there, allows you to move immediately in any direction with speed, balance and strength.
You can find the same kind of center in your mind, emotions and spirit if you cultivate an attitude of mind and heart that allows you to respond in the moment to any situation with calm and optimism. Once you know how to get to that place and stay there, harmony is yours.
HistoryFor at least as long as there's been written language, philosophers in every culture have recorded their thoughts about how to maintain harmony, and they pretty much agree that it's all about a positive attitude. No matter how it is achieved - meditation, non-attachment, faith, trusts, or self-confidence - a positive attitude is at the core of a harmonious existence.
Of course, self-confidence is a powerful basis for your positive attitude. If you believe in your heart and soul that you can cope with anything, then many of life's fears won't get you down. But self-confidence isn't enough to keep you in a state of harmony by itself. You can have full faith in your ability to cope with anything and still be desperately unhappy. So what's the missing ingredient?
Staying powerIf you have a spiritual practice that sustains and nourishes you, or if your friends, family, or spiritual community is very supportive of you - or if you believe in a higher power that always works toward well being - then you have found one of the two best paths to harmony.
But very often a person's spiritual practice leads them to an even more powerful path, grounding them in a spiritual reality that can sustain or restore harmony like magic. It seems like the opposite of self-confidence - and yet, amazingly, it confers a deeper and more permanent level of confidence, one that is rooted in a sense of being one with the Divine. It is something that is activated by your open, optimistic participation in life.
Buddhists define this state as one of non-attachment. It means you're willing to let go of control, to accept the situation when challenges and changes crop up. Experience or faith (or both) have taught you that it's a good idea to go along for the ride - first, because it's more restful than struggling, but also (and even more importantly) because very often your higher power is creating something far better than you could have imagined on your own. You just need to stay centered, and alert to the possibilities along the way.
When you're able to take what comes - to go through life with your head up, your eyes open and a delighted interest in everything that occurs, because you just know that the future is a gift waiting to for you to unwrap it - then harmony will become your natural state.
Out of harmonyChallenges in health, love, money or work are hard to avoid, and some are easier to restore to harmony than others. But what can really mess with your mind is impending change - especially change that seems to be out of your hands, when events appear to be moving you away from what you want. Sometimes they seem to keep going in the wrong direction no matter how hard you struggle.
Or you could be experiencing the kind of soul-deep restlessness and incompleteness that usually indicates it's time for you to make a change, no matter how much you hate the thought. For some, though, even getting close to a sense of harmony seems impossible. If you've grown up in challenging circumstances, or recently been hammered by difficulties- or if your experience tells you that life just isn't on your side, and that there's nothing you can do to change it - harmony seems to exist in another universe entirely.
Find and keep itTo put it simply, maintaining harmony is about finding your center. This is easiest to define in martial arts terms. The martial arts teach that your center is an actual place in your body which, when you focus there, allows you to move immediately in any direction with speed, balance and strength.
You can find the same kind of center in your mind, emotions and spirit if you cultivate an attitude of mind and heart that allows you to respond in the moment to any situation with calm and optimism. Once you know how to get to that place and stay there, harmony is yours.
HistoryFor at least as long as there's been written language, philosophers in every culture have recorded their thoughts about how to maintain harmony, and they pretty much agree that it's all about a positive attitude. No matter how it is achieved - meditation, non-attachment, faith, trusts, or self-confidence - a positive attitude is at the core of a harmonious existence.
Of course, self-confidence is a powerful basis for your positive attitude. If you believe in your heart and soul that you can cope with anything, then many of life's fears won't get you down. But self-confidence isn't enough to keep you in a state of harmony by itself. You can have full faith in your ability to cope with anything and still be desperately unhappy. So what's the missing ingredient?
Staying powerIf you have a spiritual practice that sustains and nourishes you, or if your friends, family, or spiritual community is very supportive of you - or if you believe in a higher power that always works toward well being - then you have found one of the two best paths to harmony.
But very often a person's spiritual practice leads them to an even more powerful path, grounding them in a spiritual reality that can sustain or restore harmony like magic. It seems like the opposite of self-confidence - and yet, amazingly, it confers a deeper and more permanent level of confidence, one that is rooted in a sense of being one with the Divine. It is something that is activated by your open, optimistic participation in life.
Buddhists define this state as one of non-attachment. It means you're willing to let go of control, to accept the situation when challenges and changes crop up. Experience or faith (or both) have taught you that it's a good idea to go along for the ride - first, because it's more restful than struggling, but also (and even more importantly) because very often your higher power is creating something far better than you could have imagined on your own. You just need to stay centered, and alert to the possibilities along the way.
When you're able to take what comes - to go through life with your head up, your eyes open and a delighted interest in everything that occurs, because you just know that the future is a gift waiting to for you to unwrap it - then harmony will become your natural state.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Why Good People Do Bad Things
Love can be scary. So scary that some of us will do whatever we can to get out of it! Sound crazy? It isn't! While we may not be conscious of our deeper motivations, when we do bad things in relationships - things that even we are hard pressed to explain - it shows an unconscious desire to sabotage intimacy. The good news is, once you understand what you're doing you can stop.
So if you're that "crazy person" who does drive-bys to make sure your significant other's not keeping other company… or if your lover is so "obsessed" that they hack into your email in an attempt to know your every move - then keep reading, and stop judging. Why? Because the behavior has to do with fight-or-flight.Believe it or not, the impulse toward self-destruction is built into our DNA - as part of our fight-or-flight response. When relationships get difficult, and the difficulty seems insurmountable (physically, mentally or emotionally - thereby threatening our status quo), it's our instinct to destroy them. The problem is that often the perceived threat (in this case, love) is not the actual problem - it's the status quo that needs to change. Fear of connection, long-held beliefs about lovability or self-worth, and deep-seated insecurity are the sorts of emotions that motivate fight-or-flight, and result in self-destructive behavior in relationships.
The first step then, if you want to stop indulging these impulses, is to identify what they are.
Ask yourself a few questionsIf your behavior is setting off alarm bells or causing problems in your relationship(s), then you may need to dig deep to find the cause. Ask yourself: What are you afraid of? What may have influenced your views of love? How do you feel about yourself? Are your fears founded in the reality of the present, or in an expectation you've built up based on the past? What usually motivates these episodes?Also, consider how you feel when you engage in these "bad" behaviors - in all likelihood, you feel worse for having gone there. That should tell you something in and of itself.
Looking withinIf your outbursts tend to be the problem, your relationship may be healthy otherwise. In this instance, you'll likely find that the impulse to get drunk - or throw a fit, or make inappropriate advances at an inopportune moment - is not directly linked to your partner's behavior. Rather, it's your reaction to past experiences (such as being hurt, and the fear of having it happen again) that sends you into "self-destruct" mode. You'll need to work through these building blocks of who you are in order to change your automatic reactions. But before you dig any deeper, take a deep breath.
You are not a bad person, or an abnormal one. We are all the product of conditioning - it just may be time to re-calibrate that conditioning. You can change the situation - and your inclinations toward self-destruction - by focusing on being present in the moment. Meanwhile, it may be worth it to seek counseling in order to speak about your emotions (and actions). Over time, you will come to understand and believe in your own intrinsic value, even if that seems impossible now. And your relationship may very well be salvageable.
Changing your situationOn the other hand, if your partner is behaving in a way that "causes" you to act this way (if they are unfaithful or abusive or dismissive - or trip any other stress-inducing trigger), then it's time to take a deeper look at yourself and the relationship. Is it possible that you're re-creating a situation over and over again? We're all participants in our lives, after all, and those who fear that they are unlovable often create situations in which they won't be loved. The subconscious logic is simple - by staying with negative partners, we confirm our deep-seated belief that we're not worth real, healthy love. But the result is not a given. It's a choice.
Rather than buying into your conditioned hypothesis, recognize that a pattern is actually your unconscious mind offering you chances to learn a lesson. And this time - learn it! Good people do bad things in all areas of life, but by continuing to indulge these impulses we're not saving ourselves from anything. Rather, like a scorpion who will sting itself to death rather than catch fire, we're destroying ourselves to avoid facing problems head-on. And in turn we're killing our chances of finding true happiness - on our own, or as part of a pair!
So if you're that "crazy person" who does drive-bys to make sure your significant other's not keeping other company… or if your lover is so "obsessed" that they hack into your email in an attempt to know your every move - then keep reading, and stop judging. Why? Because the behavior has to do with fight-or-flight.Believe it or not, the impulse toward self-destruction is built into our DNA - as part of our fight-or-flight response. When relationships get difficult, and the difficulty seems insurmountable (physically, mentally or emotionally - thereby threatening our status quo), it's our instinct to destroy them. The problem is that often the perceived threat (in this case, love) is not the actual problem - it's the status quo that needs to change. Fear of connection, long-held beliefs about lovability or self-worth, and deep-seated insecurity are the sorts of emotions that motivate fight-or-flight, and result in self-destructive behavior in relationships.
The first step then, if you want to stop indulging these impulses, is to identify what they are.
Ask yourself a few questionsIf your behavior is setting off alarm bells or causing problems in your relationship(s), then you may need to dig deep to find the cause. Ask yourself: What are you afraid of? What may have influenced your views of love? How do you feel about yourself? Are your fears founded in the reality of the present, or in an expectation you've built up based on the past? What usually motivates these episodes?Also, consider how you feel when you engage in these "bad" behaviors - in all likelihood, you feel worse for having gone there. That should tell you something in and of itself.
Looking withinIf your outbursts tend to be the problem, your relationship may be healthy otherwise. In this instance, you'll likely find that the impulse to get drunk - or throw a fit, or make inappropriate advances at an inopportune moment - is not directly linked to your partner's behavior. Rather, it's your reaction to past experiences (such as being hurt, and the fear of having it happen again) that sends you into "self-destruct" mode. You'll need to work through these building blocks of who you are in order to change your automatic reactions. But before you dig any deeper, take a deep breath.
You are not a bad person, or an abnormal one. We are all the product of conditioning - it just may be time to re-calibrate that conditioning. You can change the situation - and your inclinations toward self-destruction - by focusing on being present in the moment. Meanwhile, it may be worth it to seek counseling in order to speak about your emotions (and actions). Over time, you will come to understand and believe in your own intrinsic value, even if that seems impossible now. And your relationship may very well be salvageable.
Changing your situationOn the other hand, if your partner is behaving in a way that "causes" you to act this way (if they are unfaithful or abusive or dismissive - or trip any other stress-inducing trigger), then it's time to take a deeper look at yourself and the relationship. Is it possible that you're re-creating a situation over and over again? We're all participants in our lives, after all, and those who fear that they are unlovable often create situations in which they won't be loved. The subconscious logic is simple - by staying with negative partners, we confirm our deep-seated belief that we're not worth real, healthy love. But the result is not a given. It's a choice.
Rather than buying into your conditioned hypothesis, recognize that a pattern is actually your unconscious mind offering you chances to learn a lesson. And this time - learn it! Good people do bad things in all areas of life, but by continuing to indulge these impulses we're not saving ourselves from anything. Rather, like a scorpion who will sting itself to death rather than catch fire, we're destroying ourselves to avoid facing problems head-on. And in turn we're killing our chances of finding true happiness - on our own, or as part of a pair!
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Independence in Love...5 tips to not lose yourself
Maintaining a sense of individuality is a common problem in most relationships, and there are a zillion reasons why. For starters, you and your partner spend so much free time together that your lives begin to blend. Then there's the reality that as time passes, you may forget what you did before you were together. Even if you do remember all your old pastimes, your "you time" takes a backseat to shared "us time." After all, there are couple commitments that come into play (dinner parties, work events, household chores). Nevermind the fact that at a certain point, it's just easier to plop down on the sofa together than it is to motivate yourself on your own. The trouble is, by merging completely, not only do couples lose their senses of individuality, their happiness levels decrease… and their relationships suffer.
Remember, it takes two complete halves to make one whole. So if either or both of you are struggling to remember who you are or what makes you happy beyond the confines of your partnership, it's time for a reality check. Maintaining autonomy is essential to the success of any pairing. Try these tips to help you do just that.
Your friends love you...Sadly, one of the first things to happen as we pair off is that our friends (particularly the single ones) can be forgotten. They fall by the wayside in favor of spending every waking non-work moment with our new lovers. Inevitably, forgetting your friends will fail you. Humans are social beings and we need each other to commiserate and identify with in good times and bad. Sure, your mate can provide most things a friend can, but no one person can be all things to anyone. You're bound to have things in common with your friends that you don't with your mate… even if it's just shared experience. Besides, if you have no one else in your life to hang out with, not only will you and your amour eventually run out of topics to talk about, you'll find your life much less fulfilling!
Whether it's going out for dinner, grabbing after work drinks or hitting the beach/bookstore on a Saturday afternoon, set aside in-person time for your friends. Emails and phone calls count as contact, sure, but when it comes to fostering a sense of personal satisfaction and history, the power of face-to-face interaction cannot be overstated!
Nix needinessSometimes, we worry that if we're not with our partner, they'll forget about us - or worse, cheat! If these are your feelings, however, your partner's not the problem - your insecurity is. Being too needy in a relationship (demanding too much time and attention, denying your partner - and yourself - the time to maintain a balanced life, questioning their every move), only leads to disaster. It creates an imbalance of power that leaves you feeling dependent on your mate for your happiness. Believe it or not, you're not in the driver's seat when you're dictating every moment… you're giving fear the upper hand. On that note, it may seem counterintuitive but…
Give your partner spaceEverybody appreciates a little space every once in awhile to do whatever it is we feel like doing. And believe it or not - sometimes those things are best done solo. A hot, relaxing bath, a sappy, cry-your-eyes out movie rental, a video game marathon or an adult-ed class… whatever it is that rejuvenates them, give your partner the space to do it on a regular basis. Meanwhile, use that time to do something you enjoy, too.
Take care of you!We all know that a healthy mind and a healthy body go together with a healthy spirit, but figuring out a way to attain all three can seem like a tough proposition. The good news is, every little bit helps - and addressing any of the three components actually contributes to the others, too.
If you want to boost your self-confidence and motivation (in and out of the relationship) start with the stuff you can control. Eat well and commit to some kind of fitness regimen. Not only will it make you feel vibrant and sexy on the outside, it will help you feel strong and capable, which encourages you to do things on your own when you might otherwise steer clear of solo ventures. Perhaps best of all, it'll enhance your libido and drive your partner wild!
Max motivationFinally, one of the most common explanations for personal dissatisfaction in or out of a relationship is a lack of goals. If we don't have a destination (or a series of them, since arriving at one only leads to another), the relationship can feel pointless. People thrive when they have a purpose. So take some time to sit down with yourself and set some personal goals. Then set about achieving them. Doing so will not only provide tremendous self-satisfaction (even when you have missteps and have to start again), but it will allow you to bring more to the table in your relationship.
Likewise, encourage your partner to do the same and enlist each other for encouragement. Two active halves, after all, will only make a more solid, deeply satisfied whole.
Remember, it takes two complete halves to make one whole. So if either or both of you are struggling to remember who you are or what makes you happy beyond the confines of your partnership, it's time for a reality check. Maintaining autonomy is essential to the success of any pairing. Try these tips to help you do just that.
Your friends love you...Sadly, one of the first things to happen as we pair off is that our friends (particularly the single ones) can be forgotten. They fall by the wayside in favor of spending every waking non-work moment with our new lovers. Inevitably, forgetting your friends will fail you. Humans are social beings and we need each other to commiserate and identify with in good times and bad. Sure, your mate can provide most things a friend can, but no one person can be all things to anyone. You're bound to have things in common with your friends that you don't with your mate… even if it's just shared experience. Besides, if you have no one else in your life to hang out with, not only will you and your amour eventually run out of topics to talk about, you'll find your life much less fulfilling!
Whether it's going out for dinner, grabbing after work drinks or hitting the beach/bookstore on a Saturday afternoon, set aside in-person time for your friends. Emails and phone calls count as contact, sure, but when it comes to fostering a sense of personal satisfaction and history, the power of face-to-face interaction cannot be overstated!
Nix needinessSometimes, we worry that if we're not with our partner, they'll forget about us - or worse, cheat! If these are your feelings, however, your partner's not the problem - your insecurity is. Being too needy in a relationship (demanding too much time and attention, denying your partner - and yourself - the time to maintain a balanced life, questioning their every move), only leads to disaster. It creates an imbalance of power that leaves you feeling dependent on your mate for your happiness. Believe it or not, you're not in the driver's seat when you're dictating every moment… you're giving fear the upper hand. On that note, it may seem counterintuitive but…
Give your partner spaceEverybody appreciates a little space every once in awhile to do whatever it is we feel like doing. And believe it or not - sometimes those things are best done solo. A hot, relaxing bath, a sappy, cry-your-eyes out movie rental, a video game marathon or an adult-ed class… whatever it is that rejuvenates them, give your partner the space to do it on a regular basis. Meanwhile, use that time to do something you enjoy, too.
Take care of you!We all know that a healthy mind and a healthy body go together with a healthy spirit, but figuring out a way to attain all three can seem like a tough proposition. The good news is, every little bit helps - and addressing any of the three components actually contributes to the others, too.
If you want to boost your self-confidence and motivation (in and out of the relationship) start with the stuff you can control. Eat well and commit to some kind of fitness regimen. Not only will it make you feel vibrant and sexy on the outside, it will help you feel strong and capable, which encourages you to do things on your own when you might otherwise steer clear of solo ventures. Perhaps best of all, it'll enhance your libido and drive your partner wild!
Max motivationFinally, one of the most common explanations for personal dissatisfaction in or out of a relationship is a lack of goals. If we don't have a destination (or a series of them, since arriving at one only leads to another), the relationship can feel pointless. People thrive when they have a purpose. So take some time to sit down with yourself and set some personal goals. Then set about achieving them. Doing so will not only provide tremendous self-satisfaction (even when you have missteps and have to start again), but it will allow you to bring more to the table in your relationship.
Likewise, encourage your partner to do the same and enlist each other for encouragement. Two active halves, after all, will only make a more solid, deeply satisfied whole.
Venus and Mars in Gemini
Flirting and other lively talks kick into high gear when Venus and Mars enter witty Gemini this month. On July 5, 2009, Venus transits into the sign of communications, with Mars following on the 11th. It's time to express what's on your mind and in your heart!
As the relationship planet, Venus inspires expressions of love, so now is an excellent time to articulate your feelings to your significant other (or to anyone else you care about). Venus in Gemini can make it easier to discuss troubling issues in your relationship. So whether you've been procrastinating bringing up a difficult subject, or just need to express your love and appreciation, this influence will help you get your ideas across with grace and clarity.
What's more, because Gemini rules travel, you might find yourself enjoying a romantic interlude while on a trip. If you're already paired, a trip for two can rev up the romance between you. And since Venus is all about love, romantic and otherwise, traveling with friends can bring joy as well.
Mars, on the other hand, is all about passion. It energizes whatever sign it's transiting through. Not surprising, Mars in Gemini takes sexy repartee to a whole new level. You can use this influence to heat up the sheets with some verbal naughtiness (or at least cleverness). A little humor in the boudoir will keep your relationship fresh.
But don't stop with pillow talk - promoting your ideas at work is favored as well. Gemini is logical, clear-headed and straightforward. As such, it's a good time to enter into discussions that require a factual approach and step-by-step analysis. Just watch out for argumentativeness, the downside of Mars in Gemini. Also, Mars can accelerate your mental energy to the point of exhaustion. Too much of a good thing will throw you off balance. So if you find yourself suffering from brain-drain, try taking frequent breaks - and get physical. Taking a quick stroll outside the office or working out at the gym during your lunch break will help you stay grounded, focused and energetic.
To get more specific, find out how you can capitalize on Venus and Mars in Gemini by reading your Sun and Ascendant signs below.
Air signs Gemini, Libra and Aquarius will experience increased perceptiveness, clarity and creativity. Gemini will be empowered to express their needs and desires in their personal life. Libra will experience heightened intuition about the future, so discussing where a relationship is headed can bring clarity. Aquarius will find creativity in everything, which can inspire heartfelt words that deepen love.
Fire signs Aries, Leo and Sagittarius will feel the urge to act on their ideas, especially in social situations. Aries will find their power of persuasion heightened in both romantic and professional pursuits. Leo can attract personal and professional opportunities by networking during friendly gatherings and community events. Sagittarius will be motivated to improve communications in a relationship, or to use their humor and braininess to attract a new partner.
Earth signsTaurus, Virgo and Capricorn can tap into brainpower to accelerate prosperity. Taurus may discover a creative or practical idea that opens a financial door. Virgo can enhance their career by promoting ideas and networking with colleagues. Capricorn will be empowered to promote ideas at work and can find romance through philanthropic and health-related activities.
Water signs Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces will be focusing on intimate ties and healing the past. Cancer will accelerate their aspirations by examining and talking about the past - including past lives - and letting go of negativity. Scorpio can deepen intimacy by healing old emotional wounds and talking about sexual needs. Pisces will be especially creative at home and can find opportunities through family members.
However you choose to express yourself this month, strive to share your mind, heart and soul with those you care about the most.
As the relationship planet, Venus inspires expressions of love, so now is an excellent time to articulate your feelings to your significant other (or to anyone else you care about). Venus in Gemini can make it easier to discuss troubling issues in your relationship. So whether you've been procrastinating bringing up a difficult subject, or just need to express your love and appreciation, this influence will help you get your ideas across with grace and clarity.
What's more, because Gemini rules travel, you might find yourself enjoying a romantic interlude while on a trip. If you're already paired, a trip for two can rev up the romance between you. And since Venus is all about love, romantic and otherwise, traveling with friends can bring joy as well.
Mars, on the other hand, is all about passion. It energizes whatever sign it's transiting through. Not surprising, Mars in Gemini takes sexy repartee to a whole new level. You can use this influence to heat up the sheets with some verbal naughtiness (or at least cleverness). A little humor in the boudoir will keep your relationship fresh.
But don't stop with pillow talk - promoting your ideas at work is favored as well. Gemini is logical, clear-headed and straightforward. As such, it's a good time to enter into discussions that require a factual approach and step-by-step analysis. Just watch out for argumentativeness, the downside of Mars in Gemini. Also, Mars can accelerate your mental energy to the point of exhaustion. Too much of a good thing will throw you off balance. So if you find yourself suffering from brain-drain, try taking frequent breaks - and get physical. Taking a quick stroll outside the office or working out at the gym during your lunch break will help you stay grounded, focused and energetic.
To get more specific, find out how you can capitalize on Venus and Mars in Gemini by reading your Sun and Ascendant signs below.
Air signs Gemini, Libra and Aquarius will experience increased perceptiveness, clarity and creativity. Gemini will be empowered to express their needs and desires in their personal life. Libra will experience heightened intuition about the future, so discussing where a relationship is headed can bring clarity. Aquarius will find creativity in everything, which can inspire heartfelt words that deepen love.
Fire signs Aries, Leo and Sagittarius will feel the urge to act on their ideas, especially in social situations. Aries will find their power of persuasion heightened in both romantic and professional pursuits. Leo can attract personal and professional opportunities by networking during friendly gatherings and community events. Sagittarius will be motivated to improve communications in a relationship, or to use their humor and braininess to attract a new partner.
Earth signsTaurus, Virgo and Capricorn can tap into brainpower to accelerate prosperity. Taurus may discover a creative or practical idea that opens a financial door. Virgo can enhance their career by promoting ideas and networking with colleagues. Capricorn will be empowered to promote ideas at work and can find romance through philanthropic and health-related activities.
Water signs Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces will be focusing on intimate ties and healing the past. Cancer will accelerate their aspirations by examining and talking about the past - including past lives - and letting go of negativity. Scorpio can deepen intimacy by healing old emotional wounds and talking about sexual needs. Pisces will be especially creative at home and can find opportunities through family members.
However you choose to express yourself this month, strive to share your mind, heart and soul with those you care about the most.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
true or false???
Okija Shrine in Ogun State: How Gov Daniel forced lawmaker to take oath
Honourable Wale Alausa, representing Ijebu-Ode Constituency in the Ogun State House of Assembly, has said that governor Gbenga Daniel forced him to take an oath in 2007, contrary to the report in the Nigerian Compass this morning.
Reacting to the story, “Ogun 15 lawmakers on blood oath,” Hon. Alausa said it was a fabrication aimed at ridiculing his person and his colleagues in the house by Daniel and his agents. He confessed that the photographs published by Compass today, were genuine but were taken in 2007, inside Daniel’s Sagamu mansion and its environs, when he was forced to take an oath before he could get the PDP ticket to the state House of Assembly.
The lawmaker said he and his colleagues (G15) never took any oath and neither did they visit any shrine in Ijebu-Igbo to take an oath, adding that it was pure blackmail by Daniel to stop the House from carrying out its oversight functions. “The photographs on the front page of Compass today, were truly mine but the story was fabricated. I was forced to take the photographs in governor Daniel’s Sagamu home in 2007, when he forcefully implemented the oath on me in order to get me a ticket to the House of Assembly. And that is what he has done to everybody.
“Let him come out and deny, if he did not compel my father, Chief Agboola Alausa, to persuade me to take the oath. I rest my case for now. But the struggle continues,” he said. According to Compass: “the crisis in Ogun state involving the G 15 members of the House of Assembly was triggered by a blood oath taken at a shrine in Ijebu-Igbo, Ijebu North Local Government, last year, the Nigerian Compass learnt last night.
“The members took the oath to ensure a united front against governor Gbenga Daniel. The oath was sponsored by some politicians including the father of a prominent politician in Abuja, a Senator, a former South-West governor, a former minister and another prominent politician in Ogun state.” The report added that: “the oath, which was taken naked by the members and in daylight, was witnessed by the sponsors and the native doctors, the administrators of the oath.
“Items used for the oath included blood, cow heads, calabash and other fetish materials. Each participant swore to upholding opposition to Daniel at all times and submitted to the death of their first born, should they renege on the oath. “Each of them was required to mention the name of their first child in the course of the oath, setting in motion serious consequences for the children should their fathers go back on the prescribed course of opposition.
“The Nigerian Compass learnt that the finality of this oath is why prominent traditional rulers, such as the Awujale of Ijebuland, Oba Sikiru Adetona; the Alake of Egbaland, ObaAdedotun Aremu Gbadebo; the Akarigbo of Remoland, Oba Michael Sonariwo, and other prominent leaders such as Prince Bola Ajibola, General Tunji Olurin and Yeye OoduaH.I.D. Awolowo were unable to persuade them to change their stance
Honourable Wale Alausa, representing Ijebu-Ode Constituency in the Ogun State House of Assembly, has said that governor Gbenga Daniel forced him to take an oath in 2007, contrary to the report in the Nigerian Compass this morning.
Reacting to the story, “Ogun 15 lawmakers on blood oath,” Hon. Alausa said it was a fabrication aimed at ridiculing his person and his colleagues in the house by Daniel and his agents. He confessed that the photographs published by Compass today, were genuine but were taken in 2007, inside Daniel’s Sagamu mansion and its environs, when he was forced to take an oath before he could get the PDP ticket to the state House of Assembly.
The lawmaker said he and his colleagues (G15) never took any oath and neither did they visit any shrine in Ijebu-Igbo to take an oath, adding that it was pure blackmail by Daniel to stop the House from carrying out its oversight functions. “The photographs on the front page of Compass today, were truly mine but the story was fabricated. I was forced to take the photographs in governor Daniel’s Sagamu home in 2007, when he forcefully implemented the oath on me in order to get me a ticket to the House of Assembly. And that is what he has done to everybody.
“Let him come out and deny, if he did not compel my father, Chief Agboola Alausa, to persuade me to take the oath. I rest my case for now. But the struggle continues,” he said. According to Compass: “the crisis in Ogun state involving the G 15 members of the House of Assembly was triggered by a blood oath taken at a shrine in Ijebu-Igbo, Ijebu North Local Government, last year, the Nigerian Compass learnt last night.
“The members took the oath to ensure a united front against governor Gbenga Daniel. The oath was sponsored by some politicians including the father of a prominent politician in Abuja, a Senator, a former South-West governor, a former minister and another prominent politician in Ogun state.” The report added that: “the oath, which was taken naked by the members and in daylight, was witnessed by the sponsors and the native doctors, the administrators of the oath.
“Items used for the oath included blood, cow heads, calabash and other fetish materials. Each participant swore to upholding opposition to Daniel at all times and submitted to the death of their first born, should they renege on the oath. “Each of them was required to mention the name of their first child in the course of the oath, setting in motion serious consequences for the children should their fathers go back on the prescribed course of opposition.
“The Nigerian Compass learnt that the finality of this oath is why prominent traditional rulers, such as the Awujale of Ijebuland, Oba Sikiru Adetona; the Alake of Egbaland, ObaAdedotun Aremu Gbadebo; the Akarigbo of Remoland, Oba Michael Sonariwo, and other prominent leaders such as Prince Bola Ajibola, General Tunji Olurin and Yeye OoduaH.I.D. Awolowo were unable to persuade them to change their stance
Thursday, June 25, 2009
compatibility.....by sun sign
So, you've got your eye on a certain Cancer, but you've heard Cancers and Leos don't get along... Or you're thinking heavily about having a relationship with a Taurus, but rumor has it a Gemini is meant to be your perfect mate. Whatever your compatibility question is, look no further. It's all in the stars!
If you're looking for love - or you've already got it, astrology can provide some helpful, informative information. Our compatibility analysis can clue you into all sorts of possibilities!
Taurus
Best matches: Cancer, Virgo, Capricorn, Pisces
Worst matches: Leo, Aquarius
Opposite: Scorpio
Gemini
Best matches: Aries, Leo, Libra, Aquarius
Worst matches: Virgo, Pisces
Opposite: Sagittarius
Cancer
Best matches: Taurus, Virgo, Scorpio, Pisces
Worst matches: Aries, Libra
Opposite: Capricorn
Leo
Best matches: Aries, Gemini, Libra, Sagittarius
Worst matches: Taurus, Scorpio
Opposite: Aquarius
Virgo
Best matches: Taurus, Cancer, Scorpio, Capricorn
Worst matches: Gemini, Sagittarius
Opposite: Pisces
Libra
Best Matches: Gemini, Leo, Sagittarius, Aquarius
Worst Matches: Cancer, Capricorn
Opposite: Aries
Scorpio
Best Matches: Cancer, Virgo, Capricorn, Pisces
Worst Matches: Leo, Aquarius
Opposite: Taurus
Sagittarius
Best Matches: Aries, Leo, Libra, Aquarius
Worst Matches: Virgo, Pisces
Opposite: Gemini
Capricorn
Best Matches: Taurus, Virgo, Scorpio, Pisces
Worst Matches: Aries, Libra
Opposite: Cancer
Aquarius
Best Matches: Aries, Gemini, Libra, Sagittarius
Worst Matches: Taurus, Scorpio
Opposite: Leo
Pisces
Best Matches: Taurus, Cancer, Scorpio, Capricorn
Worst Matches: Gemini Sagittarius
Opposite: Virgo
Aries
Best matches: Gemini, Leo, Sagittarius, Aquarius
Worst matches: Cancer, Capricorn
Opposite: Libra
If you're looking for love - or you've already got it, astrology can provide some helpful, informative information. Our compatibility analysis can clue you into all sorts of possibilities!
Taurus
Best matches: Cancer, Virgo, Capricorn, Pisces
Worst matches: Leo, Aquarius
Opposite: Scorpio
Gemini
Best matches: Aries, Leo, Libra, Aquarius
Worst matches: Virgo, Pisces
Opposite: Sagittarius
Cancer
Best matches: Taurus, Virgo, Scorpio, Pisces
Worst matches: Aries, Libra
Opposite: Capricorn
Leo
Best matches: Aries, Gemini, Libra, Sagittarius
Worst matches: Taurus, Scorpio
Opposite: Aquarius
Virgo
Best matches: Taurus, Cancer, Scorpio, Capricorn
Worst matches: Gemini, Sagittarius
Opposite: Pisces
Libra
Best Matches: Gemini, Leo, Sagittarius, Aquarius
Worst Matches: Cancer, Capricorn
Opposite: Aries
Scorpio
Best Matches: Cancer, Virgo, Capricorn, Pisces
Worst Matches: Leo, Aquarius
Opposite: Taurus
Sagittarius
Best Matches: Aries, Leo, Libra, Aquarius
Worst Matches: Virgo, Pisces
Opposite: Gemini
Capricorn
Best Matches: Taurus, Virgo, Scorpio, Pisces
Worst Matches: Aries, Libra
Opposite: Cancer
Aquarius
Best Matches: Aries, Gemini, Libra, Sagittarius
Worst Matches: Taurus, Scorpio
Opposite: Leo
Pisces
Best Matches: Taurus, Cancer, Scorpio, Capricorn
Worst Matches: Gemini Sagittarius
Opposite: Virgo
Aries
Best matches: Gemini, Leo, Sagittarius, Aquarius
Worst matches: Cancer, Capricorn
Opposite: Libra
Sunday, June 21, 2009
when they are not the one...
Relationship discussions typically focus on how to meet the one, how to attract them and even keep them. But what happens when the one you're with is not the one for you? And then, what if it's taken you several months - or even years - to come to that conclusion? Should you stay or go? And when you make the decision, what do you do next?
Let's face it, if you've gotten to a place where you are doubting the validity or worthiness of your relationship, deep down you probably already know the answer. You may just be afraid or not ready to do something about it. When your gut talks - listen! And if your gut happens to be shouting at you, it might be time for you to bust a move.
Sanity checklist
We've all done the math when it comes to these types of decisions, but let's recount just in case. Now ask yourself if you're unhappy more than you're not. Is the relationship one-sided or do you deal with everything as a duo? Does your partner strengthen your sense of self or eat away at it? Do they enrich your life, or chip it down? Are you more worried about being alone or with the right person? These are tough questions that when answered honestly, will tell you what you should do.
Often times we know instantly when someone is not right for us, and other times it takes a month, a year, a decade or even a lifetime to come to such a revelation. Is time spent in the relationship, or social pressures, age, bad habits or born and bred tendencies playing a factor in your decision? Determine if your pangs of uncertainty are valid or fleeting.
Shades of green
The grass is always greener. So that being said, take some time to move through that meadow. Visualize a life without this person in it. Fast forward to months down the line. Putting the pain of the parting aside, are you fundamentally a better person without them? Does the distance bring you serenity or sadness? Do you feel freed and inspired by the prospect of meeting someone new that could be the one?
A new foundationLet's assume, after lots of self-introspection, you have decided to cut someone free. The single most important thing you can do in moving past the dissolution of a long-term relationship is to reacquaint yourself, with yourself. Whether you have been mated for months or even years, you have a set of behaviors, activities, friends and patterns that were all part of your pairing. If it was an unhealthy union, you may have given up things or people that were once important to you. Take the time to reconnect with those you lost touch with - including your inner-self!
The highs...
Look honestly at your relationship. Try to turn the focus onto your behavior as opposed to getting stuck in what a recent ex may have done to you - but be objective (don't be too hard on yourself). Start with what you were most proud of. Depending on the duration of the relationship, this could be a short or very long list, but commit to the process. It could be as basic as how you fixed his toast in the morning, on up to how you dealt with a crisis. Remember the small things, like the attention you might have taken to look your best physically - no behavior is too small. Maybe you nurtured them back to health and brought home the bacon or built them a warm and loving environment. File away those moments and traits so that you bring them forward into your next relationship. Or you might decide to leave them behind next time and that's okay, too. We all have our reasons.
The lows...
Now move on to those moments when you did not hold yourself as high as you would've liked. When you dismissed your own desires for the good of the other. Where you lost touch with good friends because your partner wanted to be together all the time. Even more worthy of attention were those times when you changed key character traits that were fundamental to your personality. As much as we would like to avoid it, in our attempt to please, stay connected, or just hold onto someone, we may bend on important matters, that we later regret. We might have swerved so much that we go on to carry a grudge.Take this information and time to develop a new sense of self and relish the opportunity to leave the mistakes and baggage of the past behind. Now that you have a realistic roadmap to expand and parlay those better qualities from the past into an opportunity to meet someone that you know is the one.
Let's face it, if you've gotten to a place where you are doubting the validity or worthiness of your relationship, deep down you probably already know the answer. You may just be afraid or not ready to do something about it. When your gut talks - listen! And if your gut happens to be shouting at you, it might be time for you to bust a move.
Sanity checklist
We've all done the math when it comes to these types of decisions, but let's recount just in case. Now ask yourself if you're unhappy more than you're not. Is the relationship one-sided or do you deal with everything as a duo? Does your partner strengthen your sense of self or eat away at it? Do they enrich your life, or chip it down? Are you more worried about being alone or with the right person? These are tough questions that when answered honestly, will tell you what you should do.
Often times we know instantly when someone is not right for us, and other times it takes a month, a year, a decade or even a lifetime to come to such a revelation. Is time spent in the relationship, or social pressures, age, bad habits or born and bred tendencies playing a factor in your decision? Determine if your pangs of uncertainty are valid or fleeting.
Shades of green
The grass is always greener. So that being said, take some time to move through that meadow. Visualize a life without this person in it. Fast forward to months down the line. Putting the pain of the parting aside, are you fundamentally a better person without them? Does the distance bring you serenity or sadness? Do you feel freed and inspired by the prospect of meeting someone new that could be the one?
A new foundationLet's assume, after lots of self-introspection, you have decided to cut someone free. The single most important thing you can do in moving past the dissolution of a long-term relationship is to reacquaint yourself, with yourself. Whether you have been mated for months or even years, you have a set of behaviors, activities, friends and patterns that were all part of your pairing. If it was an unhealthy union, you may have given up things or people that were once important to you. Take the time to reconnect with those you lost touch with - including your inner-self!
The highs...
Look honestly at your relationship. Try to turn the focus onto your behavior as opposed to getting stuck in what a recent ex may have done to you - but be objective (don't be too hard on yourself). Start with what you were most proud of. Depending on the duration of the relationship, this could be a short or very long list, but commit to the process. It could be as basic as how you fixed his toast in the morning, on up to how you dealt with a crisis. Remember the small things, like the attention you might have taken to look your best physically - no behavior is too small. Maybe you nurtured them back to health and brought home the bacon or built them a warm and loving environment. File away those moments and traits so that you bring them forward into your next relationship. Or you might decide to leave them behind next time and that's okay, too. We all have our reasons.
The lows...
Now move on to those moments when you did not hold yourself as high as you would've liked. When you dismissed your own desires for the good of the other. Where you lost touch with good friends because your partner wanted to be together all the time. Even more worthy of attention were those times when you changed key character traits that were fundamental to your personality. As much as we would like to avoid it, in our attempt to please, stay connected, or just hold onto someone, we may bend on important matters, that we later regret. We might have swerved so much that we go on to carry a grudge.Take this information and time to develop a new sense of self and relish the opportunity to leave the mistakes and baggage of the past behind. Now that you have a realistic roadmap to expand and parlay those better qualities from the past into an opportunity to meet someone that you know is the one.
Genuine love..how to know if its real..
Love is often hard to find and can be scary to embrace. But, that isn't enough to stop most of us from hoping to find a genuine love that is lasting and true. So, when your heart is all a-flutter and romance is in the air, how can you be sure the object of your affection is feeling the same? Use your instincts as a barometer and pay attention to how they treat and interact with you. Use this check list to know if your partnership is healthy and will last an eternity.
1. Talk
There is a difference between casual dating and becoming involved, even though the former is often what leads to the latter. While the first encounters are likely to be kept light and fun, when someone is earnest dating becomes less of a game. Conversations will be more personal and sincere - give and take (not a one way street!). They become a true information exchange. You can usually tell when someone is truly listening to what you have to say, because they are drinking in your words and making mental notes, rather than just letting you speak your peace.
2. Trust
Trust is something that should be earned and someone who is genuinely interested in loving you will do their best to earn it. As all things in a relationship, there is give-and-take in the establishment of trust, because they are learning to trust you, too.
3. Honesty
When someone is being genuine, their honesty will shine through. This doesn't mean that they are going to offer up all the juicy details of their existence like an article in a gossip magazine, but they will tend to not be overly secretive or blatantly misleading. When the connection is strong and the emotion is real, people tend to be more conscientious in their words and in their deeds. A person who is genuinely interested in building a relationship is going to have concerns about what you think of them now - as well as in the future.
4. Follow through
They say they'll call, and they do. They say they'll be there at eight, and they are! Sounds so easy, right? It actually is. When it matters, people put in the extra effort. There is genuine eagerness to please that goes beyond just avoiding any disruptions or confrontations. Plans will be laid for future dates, because there is intention of keeping you coming around.
5. Acceptance
When someone is genuine about loving you, they tend to have your best interest at heart. They offer guidance and support, and tend to avoid making you feel pressured. They accept your faults and flaws, and if you're lucky - they'll find some of those quirky traits endearing.
6. Warm and fuzzy
People have very different ways of showing affection, but when someone is being affectionate, it shows! From the way they look at you to the way they touch you, genuine emotion permeates their interaction with you.
7. Plural
"I" is often replaced by "we" and future date planning becomes less and less forbidden. When you matter, you will be introduced to family and friends, because your mate is proud to have you by their side. For most people, meeting family can be a pretty big deal, because it indicates you have earned that right, and they are planning on keeping you around! When someone truly cares about you, they will put in the time. They will allow you to grow, to evolve, and to process the things you need to - even if you make some mistakes. They will find forgiveness through understanding, and be willing to meet you half-way.Through the highs and lows of love and life, a true blue partner will support your well-being as much as their own. Through it all, with a leap of faith, a love that is backed by truth and sincerity is a love that will grow for eternity.
1. Talk
There is a difference between casual dating and becoming involved, even though the former is often what leads to the latter. While the first encounters are likely to be kept light and fun, when someone is earnest dating becomes less of a game. Conversations will be more personal and sincere - give and take (not a one way street!). They become a true information exchange. You can usually tell when someone is truly listening to what you have to say, because they are drinking in your words and making mental notes, rather than just letting you speak your peace.
2. Trust
Trust is something that should be earned and someone who is genuinely interested in loving you will do their best to earn it. As all things in a relationship, there is give-and-take in the establishment of trust, because they are learning to trust you, too.
3. Honesty
When someone is being genuine, their honesty will shine through. This doesn't mean that they are going to offer up all the juicy details of their existence like an article in a gossip magazine, but they will tend to not be overly secretive or blatantly misleading. When the connection is strong and the emotion is real, people tend to be more conscientious in their words and in their deeds. A person who is genuinely interested in building a relationship is going to have concerns about what you think of them now - as well as in the future.
4. Follow through
They say they'll call, and they do. They say they'll be there at eight, and they are! Sounds so easy, right? It actually is. When it matters, people put in the extra effort. There is genuine eagerness to please that goes beyond just avoiding any disruptions or confrontations. Plans will be laid for future dates, because there is intention of keeping you coming around.
5. Acceptance
When someone is genuine about loving you, they tend to have your best interest at heart. They offer guidance and support, and tend to avoid making you feel pressured. They accept your faults and flaws, and if you're lucky - they'll find some of those quirky traits endearing.
6. Warm and fuzzy
People have very different ways of showing affection, but when someone is being affectionate, it shows! From the way they look at you to the way they touch you, genuine emotion permeates their interaction with you.
7. Plural
"I" is often replaced by "we" and future date planning becomes less and less forbidden. When you matter, you will be introduced to family and friends, because your mate is proud to have you by their side. For most people, meeting family can be a pretty big deal, because it indicates you have earned that right, and they are planning on keeping you around! When someone truly cares about you, they will put in the time. They will allow you to grow, to evolve, and to process the things you need to - even if you make some mistakes. They will find forgiveness through understanding, and be willing to meet you half-way.Through the highs and lows of love and life, a true blue partner will support your well-being as much as their own. Through it all, with a leap of faith, a love that is backed by truth and sincerity is a love that will grow for eternity.
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