Do you have a feeling in your soul that something isn’t quite right with your significant other? Pay attention to your instincts – your inner voices are usually right.
No woman wants to believe that her man is cheating, but it can and does happen. We all know that. Here are ten surprising tells that may indicate all is not what it seems:
1. It’s lovely to have his undivided attention. Who wouldn’t want a dozen roses for no reason at all? Some guys are great at attending to your needs, but if your partner has typically been a bit casual and suddenly showers you with goodies, think twice. Could be guilt driving that romance.
2. Variety is the spice of everything, but if his routine changes, his habits alter, he takes a new interest in his appearance, or just seems bright and new, it could be a problem. The excitement of illicit love makes men sit up and sparkle.
3. His cell phone disappears and his computer is now password protected. All his known passwords are changed for “security” reasons. Not good.
4. In a slow economy, everyone can use a bit of additional cash, but is your mate putting in a lot of overtime? If it isn’t typical, better keep an eye on it.
5. Be aware of unexplained telephone charges, lots of calls to a new number, or frequent hang up calls.
6. There might be lipstick on his collar, but finding an odd glove, someone else’s clothing item or an earring is more likely. You might find a cigarette end, and he doesn’t smoke. If odd things turn up, he may be doing something he shouldn’t.
7. He’s so overly sensitive that you can’t say “good morning” without creating an argument. He’s the poster child for surly. “Moody” doesn’t begin to do him justice, and you can’t say or do anything right. Unless he’s fighting depression, you might want to keep a close eye on your relationship.
8. He’s simply never available. Tired. Busy. Preoccupied. Has to go see his mother more often than he sees you?
9. Now he can’t stand your friends. His friends observe he’s lost interest in nights out. He skips the hottest game on TV because he’d rather go for a run? Wait a minute, dear, you’d better find out where he’s running to.
10. What? Your hot-as-flame sex life has simmered to a boring routine? Uh oh.
Should you hire an investigator, search the car, rifle through his wallet? I’m not saying any man whose interests change or who begins to focus on being healthy and fit is cheating. It’s likely he’s still the light of your life and only has eyes for you. However, if you keep running into odd coincidences and your radar tells you something is rotten, trust your gut and check it out.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
5 reasons he may take you back-By Alina Mikos
Just because men are generally less verbal about their feelings than women doesn’t mean they don’t feel just as deeply. If you’ve hurt him by cheating, you’ve got to be prepared that he may never take you back. As your actions have broken his trust, it will be up to him – and his capacity to forgive – as to whether or not you two ever get back together. Some people just cannot reopen their hearts after a deceit. With men, when a woman cheats, it not only betrays his trust, but challenges his confidence and manhood. At best, you will probably need to “eat crow” before he’ll let you into his heart again. Let’s look at a few reasons he may decide to give your relationship another shot.
1. His Great Love for You
If the two of you had something really special that you’ve both put a lot of time and love into, he may consider forgiving you and moving on. Each person in every relationship makes mistakes – it’s deciding whether your love and relationship is stronger and more important than the mistakes that keep two people together. He may conclude that he loves you in spite of this and agree to move forward. Once. If you’re a repeat offender and he keeps taking you back, the two of you are in an unhealthy and destructive relationship and need to admit to the fact that you are not good for one another.
2. Your Genuine Remorse
Was it a mistake? Do you feel awful and repentant about it? Communicating this to him will go a long way towards healing the rift you’ve caused. If you are disingenuous, he will most likely sense this and turn his back on you for good. But by being sorry and regretful, you open up the possibility of him forgiving you after he has taken time to lick his wounds and think things over. If he senses that you are purposefully careless with his trust and his heart, don’t expect any second chances in this millennia.
3. The Circumstance
The weight of the blow of infidelity may be slightly diminished depending upon the circumstances. A man may forgive a severe slip-up of this nature if he’s certain she was, say, “completely drunk and toasted.” The “it just happened” scenario plays out better than the premeditated affair that went on for months. Your reason and explanation for the affair can affect the outcome of his decision as well. If you were looking for companionship, for example, and he had been away frequently, he may be open-minded enough to try couples counseling to resolve your relationship issues. The same may go for cheating related to your sex lives. If the two of you haven’t been intimate in awhile, he may agree to sex therapy in an attempt to fix things.
4. He Can Forgive and Move On
The capacity for forgiveness varies from person to person, and is often contingent upon the offense. Breaking someone’s trust is one of the bigger blunders a person can make in any relationship, and the reality is that they may not get over it. If you are so lucky as to have found a guy who can forgive and forget, then you may count your many blessings. If he knows himself and has come to terms with the event and his feelings, then he may be able to move beyond your indiscretion. But he has to make that decision, and you cannot make it for him, no matter how much you may beg or apologize. He’ll know whether this is something he can make peace with or not.
5. He Can See That You’ve Changed
If you can prove to him that you are not the person you were that made the decision to betray his trust in that way, he may decide to open up to you again. He has to believe this, so you will have to prove it to him in your own way. He needs to feel secure in the fact that this will never happen again, and convincing him that you are a better, more mature person, will go a long way towards him trusting you again with his heart
1. His Great Love for You
If the two of you had something really special that you’ve both put a lot of time and love into, he may consider forgiving you and moving on. Each person in every relationship makes mistakes – it’s deciding whether your love and relationship is stronger and more important than the mistakes that keep two people together. He may conclude that he loves you in spite of this and agree to move forward. Once. If you’re a repeat offender and he keeps taking you back, the two of you are in an unhealthy and destructive relationship and need to admit to the fact that you are not good for one another.
2. Your Genuine Remorse
Was it a mistake? Do you feel awful and repentant about it? Communicating this to him will go a long way towards healing the rift you’ve caused. If you are disingenuous, he will most likely sense this and turn his back on you for good. But by being sorry and regretful, you open up the possibility of him forgiving you after he has taken time to lick his wounds and think things over. If he senses that you are purposefully careless with his trust and his heart, don’t expect any second chances in this millennia.
3. The Circumstance
The weight of the blow of infidelity may be slightly diminished depending upon the circumstances. A man may forgive a severe slip-up of this nature if he’s certain she was, say, “completely drunk and toasted.” The “it just happened” scenario plays out better than the premeditated affair that went on for months. Your reason and explanation for the affair can affect the outcome of his decision as well. If you were looking for companionship, for example, and he had been away frequently, he may be open-minded enough to try couples counseling to resolve your relationship issues. The same may go for cheating related to your sex lives. If the two of you haven’t been intimate in awhile, he may agree to sex therapy in an attempt to fix things.
4. He Can Forgive and Move On
The capacity for forgiveness varies from person to person, and is often contingent upon the offense. Breaking someone’s trust is one of the bigger blunders a person can make in any relationship, and the reality is that they may not get over it. If you are so lucky as to have found a guy who can forgive and forget, then you may count your many blessings. If he knows himself and has come to terms with the event and his feelings, then he may be able to move beyond your indiscretion. But he has to make that decision, and you cannot make it for him, no matter how much you may beg or apologize. He’ll know whether this is something he can make peace with or not.
5. He Can See That You’ve Changed
If you can prove to him that you are not the person you were that made the decision to betray his trust in that way, he may decide to open up to you again. He has to believe this, so you will have to prove it to him in your own way. He needs to feel secure in the fact that this will never happen again, and convincing him that you are a better, more mature person, will go a long way towards him trusting you again with his heart
Saturday, January 8, 2011
stop deceiving urself
Dump That Loser!
Why are we holding on to people who obviously don’t do us any good? Why do we feel that knowing someone for a long period of time, or being in a relationship with someone, binds us to hold on to them for dear life, even when they are detrimental to our own well-being and self-worth? Somehow most of us seem to believe that we can’t do any better, or worse, don’t deserve any better.
Breaking the cycle of self-defeat and misery is hard to do but not impossible. So here are a few points that should help you make a decision to finally let the tool canoe sail away and start a new life, tool-free and happy.
1. Dishonesty
It seems obvious that we shouldn’t spend time and space with people who lie to us. But dishonesty comes in many different forms and there are not all blatant lies. Another form of dishonesty is withholding; which, by the way, equals going behind your back. Some people argue they did it to “protect you.” Well, dishonesty never protects anyone and a partner or friend who cannot be straight with you is not worth holding on. Obviously, there are different levels of severity here. But a person who consistently chooses to lie or withhold from you is plain and simple engaging in tool-sheddery, not protecting you!
2. Abusive
Most people don’t seem to understand that abuse does not necessarily only consist of physical violence. Abuse comes in many shapes or forms. Let me make it clear to you: any deliberate attack on your being is abuse! This includes people who love to embarrass you in front of others with demeaning remarks, which they then disguise as “humor,” attacking you for being too sensitive. Abuse is always about power, so if you ever wonder if something is abuse or not, consider the following: Is the goal of a person’s actions or words to put you down/dismiss you/hurt you or dominate you, in order for them to feel better about themselves, look good in front of others, or feel in control? If the answer is “yes,” it’s time to run.
3. Disloyal
Anyone who claims to be your true friend or partner will have your back in life! This is what distinguishes them from merely being an acquaintance. Loyalty does not mean that one has to agree with you all the time (this is where number one comes in again!), but it does mean standing by you in good and bad times. This includes certain rules such as not sleeping with your ex and not playing both sides, i.e. hanging out and engaging with those who have hurt you deeply. A person who loves you will stand up for you. They’ll help you fight your battles when you need help fighting them, and they won’t allow anyone to badmouth you or harm you, present or not! Disloyal people should always be eliminated from one’s life, because they cannot be true partners or friends. Why? Because they are not trustworthy, and their own self-interest will always win out over doing the right thing, or the minor detail of being your friend!
4. No Integrity
Integrity incorporates much more than being honest and loyal, because it’s about consistent actions, morals, values, principles and expectations. Integrity is the very opposite of hypocrisy, and a true virtue. Integrity is the most important trait within a human being, and anyone who does not have this trait should be avoided.
5. Self-Centered
Not all selfish people act in ways that make them appear selfish at first glance. Hence, I’m not going to mention the obvious signs, but the hidden ones. Being self-centered includes anything and everything done for one’s own gain, advantage or pleasure, without any consideration for another. It’s as simple as that. An example would be someone who consistently puts your wishes aside to do something they want to do, regardless of how it makes you feel. I’m going to add an extreme example. My ex stood me up the day after I got released from the ER, claiming he had fallen asleep after work, when in fact he was at home all night playing World of Warcraft.
Obviously, there’s a common denominator here. Most people who refuse to let go of those who no longer serve them, or who harm them, seem to believe that they can’t do any better, or deserve no better. Anyone with true self-respect and self-esteem would not engage, and keep spending time and space with those who don’t deserve it. So if you’re one of those who finds himself/herself surrounded by insensitive pricks, selfish, rude and spineless jerks, or cheating and lying partners, it’s time to re-evaluate your life and re-discover your own self-worth.
You do deserve better, and you are no less or more important than those who keep disrespecting, ignoring and abusing you. Time does not equal ownership or entitlement. You don’t owe love, friendship, kindness or favors to anyone, just because you’ve known them for a while. Any partnership and friendship takes two to tango. You cannot succeed in creating lasting and intimate bonds with those who are neither capable, nor interested in the same. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone messes up, but the aforementioned points need to be taken seriously, if they are showing up consistently! There’s a difference between a one-time slip and a behavioral pattern. So if you want to live a tool-free life, go ahead and dump that loser. Trust me, there is better and healthier out there for you
Why are we holding on to people who obviously don’t do us any good? Why do we feel that knowing someone for a long period of time, or being in a relationship with someone, binds us to hold on to them for dear life, even when they are detrimental to our own well-being and self-worth? Somehow most of us seem to believe that we can’t do any better, or worse, don’t deserve any better.
Breaking the cycle of self-defeat and misery is hard to do but not impossible. So here are a few points that should help you make a decision to finally let the tool canoe sail away and start a new life, tool-free and happy.
1. Dishonesty
It seems obvious that we shouldn’t spend time and space with people who lie to us. But dishonesty comes in many different forms and there are not all blatant lies. Another form of dishonesty is withholding; which, by the way, equals going behind your back. Some people argue they did it to “protect you.” Well, dishonesty never protects anyone and a partner or friend who cannot be straight with you is not worth holding on. Obviously, there are different levels of severity here. But a person who consistently chooses to lie or withhold from you is plain and simple engaging in tool-sheddery, not protecting you!
2. Abusive
Most people don’t seem to understand that abuse does not necessarily only consist of physical violence. Abuse comes in many shapes or forms. Let me make it clear to you: any deliberate attack on your being is abuse! This includes people who love to embarrass you in front of others with demeaning remarks, which they then disguise as “humor,” attacking you for being too sensitive. Abuse is always about power, so if you ever wonder if something is abuse or not, consider the following: Is the goal of a person’s actions or words to put you down/dismiss you/hurt you or dominate you, in order for them to feel better about themselves, look good in front of others, or feel in control? If the answer is “yes,” it’s time to run.
3. Disloyal
Anyone who claims to be your true friend or partner will have your back in life! This is what distinguishes them from merely being an acquaintance. Loyalty does not mean that one has to agree with you all the time (this is where number one comes in again!), but it does mean standing by you in good and bad times. This includes certain rules such as not sleeping with your ex and not playing both sides, i.e. hanging out and engaging with those who have hurt you deeply. A person who loves you will stand up for you. They’ll help you fight your battles when you need help fighting them, and they won’t allow anyone to badmouth you or harm you, present or not! Disloyal people should always be eliminated from one’s life, because they cannot be true partners or friends. Why? Because they are not trustworthy, and their own self-interest will always win out over doing the right thing, or the minor detail of being your friend!
4. No Integrity
Integrity incorporates much more than being honest and loyal, because it’s about consistent actions, morals, values, principles and expectations. Integrity is the very opposite of hypocrisy, and a true virtue. Integrity is the most important trait within a human being, and anyone who does not have this trait should be avoided.
5. Self-Centered
Not all selfish people act in ways that make them appear selfish at first glance. Hence, I’m not going to mention the obvious signs, but the hidden ones. Being self-centered includes anything and everything done for one’s own gain, advantage or pleasure, without any consideration for another. It’s as simple as that. An example would be someone who consistently puts your wishes aside to do something they want to do, regardless of how it makes you feel. I’m going to add an extreme example. My ex stood me up the day after I got released from the ER, claiming he had fallen asleep after work, when in fact he was at home all night playing World of Warcraft.
Obviously, there’s a common denominator here. Most people who refuse to let go of those who no longer serve them, or who harm them, seem to believe that they can’t do any better, or deserve no better. Anyone with true self-respect and self-esteem would not engage, and keep spending time and space with those who don’t deserve it. So if you’re one of those who finds himself/herself surrounded by insensitive pricks, selfish, rude and spineless jerks, or cheating and lying partners, it’s time to re-evaluate your life and re-discover your own self-worth.
You do deserve better, and you are no less or more important than those who keep disrespecting, ignoring and abusing you. Time does not equal ownership or entitlement. You don’t owe love, friendship, kindness or favors to anyone, just because you’ve known them for a while. Any partnership and friendship takes two to tango. You cannot succeed in creating lasting and intimate bonds with those who are neither capable, nor interested in the same. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone messes up, but the aforementioned points need to be taken seriously, if they are showing up consistently! There’s a difference between a one-time slip and a behavioral pattern. So if you want to live a tool-free life, go ahead and dump that loser. Trust me, there is better and healthier out there for you
Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: Ever wondered what Tuface and DBanj will look like...
Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: Ever wondered what Tuface and DBanj will look like...: "Ha ha ha! D'Banj is still one hell of a sexy old man... Photo source"
Friday, January 7, 2011
FIVE THINGS MEN OVERLOOK
Relationships are full of compromises—some of which you hash out together as a couple, and some that you make separately as personal compromises regarding your individual needs in the relationship. Let’s consider, for a moment, some personal compromises that men make regarding women that you’ll never hear them talking about, but which they do just the same.
1. Big Ego for Beauty
This may be the most stereotypical compromise a man makes for a woman. Men are incredibly visual creatures, and as such are likely to be susceptible to a beautiful woman, no matter what her flaws. Many beautiful people know that they are beautiful—a good many of those, unfortunately, have developed large egos in accordance with their appearance. You might think that a woman who believes she is superior because of her looks, or primps constantly, would put most men off. However, there are plenty of men that are so enamored with her appearance and how she looks on his arm that they overlook the negative behaviors and disagreeable disposition that accompanies an over-inflated feminine ego.
2. Domineering Personality for a Strong Woman
As a woman’s role in American society has changed over the past century, men have learned to respect, and even prefer in most cases, a strong independent woman who knows how to take care of herself and speaks her mind. Gone are most of the men who like a gentle, soft woman who need a big strong man to protect and take care of her. Today’s couple relationships are often described as equal partnerships, with the man and woman divvying up household chores, bills and responsibilities. Certain women have taken this strong/independent woman thing further, and need to be fully in charge at every possible moment. Telling her mate what he needs to do and when to do it gets old for any man, but he may be willing to tolerate some of this behavior if the tradeoff is having a strong woman beside him to share equally in all the responsibilities and struggles that traditionally fell upon male shoulders.
3. Bad Tempers for Great Sex
Temper tantrums and hot-headedness usually go hand-in-hand with a female afflicted with a short fuse, but it seems that many men are willing to overlook this if these women also channel that emotional heat into the bedroom. She may have a spiteful tongue that he’ll dislike during those unavoidable couple-arguments, but a “hot woman” in the bedroom is worth these tongue-lashings to many men.
4. Body Insecurities for Passion
It is a known fact that women are rarely perfectly happy with their bodies, and can be self-conscious and nit-picky. Body shyness and insecurities can easily transfer into the bedroom, where all the clothes come off for your mate to see and evaluate. Men are, in general, less picky about the little details of a woman’s less-than-perfect body (and less critical), and more interested in how responsive she is in bed. Enjoying the moment and all that your partner has to offer makes the best kind of lover; and if you can shuck those pesky insecurities for quality bedroom time, he’ll be less likely to mind your self-consciousness (and may even find it quirky) at other times.
5. Intrusiveness for Emotional Support
In general, it is believed that women are more in touch with their feelings, and therefore feel freer to speak of them, as well as delve into their mate’s feelings. As men tend to find it more difficult to admit to emotional weaknesses and needs, it often falls to the women to ask questions, pry, cajole- whatever it takes to get him talking. Intrusiveness, at first glance, does not seem a positive trait, but your man may be a tough emotional nut to crack, and through sensitive and targeted questioning, you can persuade him to open up when he really needs the release. While he may find this tactic initially annoying, he will appreciate your emotional support in getting him to express himself, and any words of comfort and wisdom you can offer will be received in the spirit that they are given.
1. Big Ego for Beauty
This may be the most stereotypical compromise a man makes for a woman. Men are incredibly visual creatures, and as such are likely to be susceptible to a beautiful woman, no matter what her flaws. Many beautiful people know that they are beautiful—a good many of those, unfortunately, have developed large egos in accordance with their appearance. You might think that a woman who believes she is superior because of her looks, or primps constantly, would put most men off. However, there are plenty of men that are so enamored with her appearance and how she looks on his arm that they overlook the negative behaviors and disagreeable disposition that accompanies an over-inflated feminine ego.
2. Domineering Personality for a Strong Woman
As a woman’s role in American society has changed over the past century, men have learned to respect, and even prefer in most cases, a strong independent woman who knows how to take care of herself and speaks her mind. Gone are most of the men who like a gentle, soft woman who need a big strong man to protect and take care of her. Today’s couple relationships are often described as equal partnerships, with the man and woman divvying up household chores, bills and responsibilities. Certain women have taken this strong/independent woman thing further, and need to be fully in charge at every possible moment. Telling her mate what he needs to do and when to do it gets old for any man, but he may be willing to tolerate some of this behavior if the tradeoff is having a strong woman beside him to share equally in all the responsibilities and struggles that traditionally fell upon male shoulders.
3. Bad Tempers for Great Sex
Temper tantrums and hot-headedness usually go hand-in-hand with a female afflicted with a short fuse, but it seems that many men are willing to overlook this if these women also channel that emotional heat into the bedroom. She may have a spiteful tongue that he’ll dislike during those unavoidable couple-arguments, but a “hot woman” in the bedroom is worth these tongue-lashings to many men.
4. Body Insecurities for Passion
It is a known fact that women are rarely perfectly happy with their bodies, and can be self-conscious and nit-picky. Body shyness and insecurities can easily transfer into the bedroom, where all the clothes come off for your mate to see and evaluate. Men are, in general, less picky about the little details of a woman’s less-than-perfect body (and less critical), and more interested in how responsive she is in bed. Enjoying the moment and all that your partner has to offer makes the best kind of lover; and if you can shuck those pesky insecurities for quality bedroom time, he’ll be less likely to mind your self-consciousness (and may even find it quirky) at other times.
5. Intrusiveness for Emotional Support
In general, it is believed that women are more in touch with their feelings, and therefore feel freer to speak of them, as well as delve into their mate’s feelings. As men tend to find it more difficult to admit to emotional weaknesses and needs, it often falls to the women to ask questions, pry, cajole- whatever it takes to get him talking. Intrusiveness, at first glance, does not seem a positive trait, but your man may be a tough emotional nut to crack, and through sensitive and targeted questioning, you can persuade him to open up when he really needs the release. While he may find this tactic initially annoying, he will appreciate your emotional support in getting him to express himself, and any words of comfort and wisdom you can offer will be received in the spirit that they are given.
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